Disclaimer: Please note that for privacy reasons, everyone who submitted questions will remain anonymous and the identities of the men will be under placeholder names to maintain confidentiality.
You’re all probably aware that Valentine’s day is just around the corner, unless you’re buried under a symbolic pile of upcoming midterms. I mean it’s pretty hard to ignore the stacks of red and pink decor lining the shelves of Dollarama. If your wish for Valentine’s Day this year is to be able to read your crush’s or boyfriend’s mind, or just understand men in general – because I still don’t, then you’re in luck! I may not be Cupid but I’ve forcefully dragged (I mean invited) my panel of gentlemen from my previous article back to answer your burning questions. I got so many amazing dating questions submitted that I just had to make another article for these ones. So pause whatever rom-com you’re watching or stop reading whatever textbook you’re reading (but seriously, props to you for being such a diligent student), sit back and enjoy!
What are your thoughts on girls making the first move?
Owen: “I really don’t care. Also, I’m a shy person, so it would actually be a bit easier to get a conversation going but if you have something on your mind then say it, don’t hold it in.”
Connor: “Since it’s so against the norm, I rate any girl that has the confidence to do it. Plus, it makes it so much easier for the guys, so go for it!”
Vincent: “My girlfriend made the first move, so if you’re interested in someone then go for it!”
Charlie: “This is awesome, don’t hesitate to do this! My ex did this, and I would have never caught on otherwise.”
When do guys think about settling down with their partner in a relationship?
Owen: “I think when we tell our partner that we want to spend more time with them. Like one of my friends said that the person they’re dating is making things work and it doesn’t feel like work. I feel like that’s kind of the start, where it’s second nature.”
Connor: “I don’t think it’s so much of a time thing, but more about how close they feel. If you’re talking about marriage then yikes, that will take a few years at least. But, if you mean just taking the relationship seriously, that could be a month or a few.”
Vincent: “A couple months in.”
Charlie: “If you’re a university student, then about a year before graduating. When you graduate, you have to decide what the relationship becomes. Many couples move in together after graduating. If you move away from each other for work or graduate school then you’ll have a tough time, so you kind of have to plan for settling down in your decision making pretty early on.”
Why do the majority of guys want everything that constitutes a relationship without the relationship label?
Owen: “Honestly, I don’t think about it like that, so I don’t believe in that ‘I want everything that constitutes a relationship without a label’ idea.”
Connor: “Scared of commitment? Or they might be talking to other girls too. I think it’s a stereotype though, and most guys are actually very down for a relationship. Just maybe don’t bring up stuff like marriage right away.”
Vincent: “I cannot relate to the question.”
Charlie: “Whoa, now that’s a loaded question! Maybe some guys are afraid of commitment, but I wouldn’t classify it as the majority. I like the relationship label personally.”
Sex on the first date: yes or no?
Owen: “Getting down, are we? No, too early and especially if you’ve never met this person then it’s like the beginning of a horror movie. But I mean, you never know what can happen. For the most part, I just try to focus on the other person and not their body.”
Connor: “Haha, depends on how well I know the girl. I think I’d more often than not be down, but I’d never actively go for it on the first date. I’d want to see what she’s saying first because I don’t want to look like a pig.”
Vincent: “No.”
Charlie: “Go with the flow, but most likely not. I would never push for it.”
What do you look for in a partner?
Owen: “It depends from guy to guy. For me, there’s specific things like enjoying sports, but there are some general things like you can trust them, they want to spend time with you and they make you laugh at least once a day.”
Connor: “This varies a lot, but for me personally, it’s the ability to actually carry a conversation with her for a long time and her being open-minded enough to talk about whatever and also try things, at the end of the day, when you’re older or even on dates, you’re mostly just talking so that part should be good between you two.”
Vincent: “Someone that shares the same humor as me and is caring and patient.”
Charlie: “I like girls who have their shit figured out and are independent but compassionate at the same time. Being attractive doesn’t hurt.”
Thoughts on your partner wearing your clothes?
Owen: “I mean, my hoodie game isn’t that bad and I think they would probably look better than me in it, so I really don’t care.”
Connor: “Haha that’s fine, but I doubt she’ll want to!”
Vincent: “It’s really cute!”
Charlie: “It’s nice when she says your clothes smell good.”
How can you tell if a guy wants to hang out platonically or if he wants to take you out on a date?
Owen: “I think there are a couple of ways. When they’re talking about someone else in front of you, then you should probably be moving on. Also, when they just like to talk to you about random stuff sometimes or just don’t pay attention to you, like those simple things.”
Connor: “I think the lines are so blurry and different for so many guys. I think they should make it clear beforehand to be honest, but try to watch for the obvious signs and if they pay then there’s a high chance it’s a date. Also depends on if you guys are already close friends or not.”
Vincent: “No idea honestly.”
Charlie: “If you’re both single and you’ve met recently then you should be pretty suspicious. But the do-they-like-me dance is part of the magic in my opinion! Some would say it’s the best part (aka the chase).”
Do you feel comfortable turning someone away when they flirt with you?
Owen: “Haha doesn’t happen that much but if there’s anything I like about the person or they like about me, then no. I mean, sometimes you can become friends who are also invaluable.”
Connor: “It’s hard sometimes and no one wants to be mean, but I think most guys can do it in a nice way.”
Vincent: “No one flirts with me.”
Charlie: “No, but I generally assume girls aren’t flirting and are just being friendly.”
What is the biggest turn off when it comes to dating?
Owen: “I think the biggest turn-off is when they’re just not willing to spend time with you, like stop wasting both of our time.”
Connor: “Huge ego, being full of yourself, cheating, being really hateful and being unnecessarily jealous or hating on my friends — stuff like that.”
Vincent: “When they don’t properly listen to your problems.”
Charlie: “For me, it’s septum (bull-nose) piercings. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it rubs me the wrong way.”
How do guys flirt when they like someone?
Owen: “When we find the most random excuses to talk to you, and when we actually make an effort to talk about stuff we could do together, but especially when we try to find an excuse to talk or spend time with you.”
Connor: “This also varies A LOT. Some guys give sarcastic compliments that are low-key real, some roast, but I think a big sign people overlook is how much he’s willing to spend time with you.”
Vincent: “They start spending a lot of time with them and text them a bunch.”
Charlie: “Find a common interest and hang out with them, get in their DMs. To be honest, I don’t know, I haven’t been single for a while.”
Do you prefer flings and casual relationships or serious ones?
Owen: “I feel like it depends on the person you’re with so the answer can change.”
Connor: “I think most guys my age start out looking for something casual, but if they really like the girl, it can turn into something serious pretty easily.”
Vincent: “Serious ones.”
Charlie: “Serious. Starting a relationship while knowing that it’ll be temporary beforehand is against my values in some way. I’m also not down with polyamory.”
What do shy guys do when they like someone?
Owen: “We literally don’t tell. Like I’m shy as heck, and it’s so hard to get the guts to tell someone you like them. We don’t want to look like a fool, especially if we’re not the best-looking guy out there, and I think human nature is just to reject rejection and most guys who are shy don’t like to be rejected. Some have adopted a different mentality I think, like adopting stalker habits, which is creepy but that’s a possibility for some guys out there.”
Connor: “This one is a lot harder, but I think looking at how much time he’s willing to spend with you and talk to you is a big sign, especially for shy guys who might be introverted. Also look for the nonverbal signs.”
Vincent: “They hope you like them back and ask them out.”
Charlie: “I’m a shy guy but somehow you find some real confidence hidden in you when you’re going after the girl of your dreams.”
Is the first instinct always about looks when it comes to girls?
Owen: “I think there’s no right answer to this. Looks can be an incentive for someone to break your heart, but if the person doesn’t think like that, then I think it doesn’t matter.”
Connor: “A lot of the time it is, but I’ve been drawn to girls where I notice their talent at first, like at a cultural show, singing or dancing, or public speaking or sports or whatever to be honest. If a girl can make me laugh and has a good sense of humor, that’s probably one of the biggest turn-ons.”
Vincent: “Looks are important when you first meet, but personality is important when you get to know them.”
Charlie: “Yes. But it’s debatable how important first impressions are.”
Does it matter to you if the girl is more financially successful in a relationship?
Owen: “Haha personally, I am driven to get as much money as possible and be as financially successful as possible. So, it kind of hurts when the person around you is doing better, but I don’t think that it’s something you should ever hold against them.”
Connor: “Nah, it’s better if anything. It shows that your girl is ambitious! It’s dope as long as you can still pursue your dreams and you two can allocate time for each other. I think a girl being financially successful is a huge pro and I can’t really imagine anyone seeing it as a con to be honest, unless she’s super busy all the time.”
Vincent: “No, because she can buy me more stuff and I don’t have to cover dinner.”
Charlie: “No, if my girl became a multi-millionaire and I could be a house husband then I’d probably do it.”
Thank you to everyone who sent in their questions — I hope you got the answers you were looking for! We may never understand quantum mechanics or rocket science, but hopefully we can all understand each other a bit better now.