Dear Absent Father,
I always wondered why you weren’t a part of my life. Still, to this day, I don’t have the answer to this question. When I was a little girl, I would always ask, “Mommy, where’s my daddy?” and my mom would answer, “Your mommy loves you very much. Your father knew how much I loved you and how well I would take care of you. You would have what you needed with mommy.” As I aged, her explanation sounded more like, “Your father was not ready to be a good dad, but he knew I would be a good mom and would always take care of you”. I can understand that some people are not ready to be parents, but I needed a father figure in my life – believe it or not.
(Me as a child)
You have caused me so much pain, physically and mentally. I’ve had many sleepless nights because I would cry over you. You are not a “father” to me and never will be. As harsh as it sounds, you have never shown me what a father truly is. I was better without your help in raising me because I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you. I have grown to be a lot stronger and more independent.
(Me now)
Who was there in the end? My mom – my mom is the hero in the end. You leaving made our bond so much stronger. She was my mom and dad, all in one. Without her, I wouldn’t be who I am today. My mom did love me very much and did so well as a single mother. She worked her ass off to keep us out of bad neighbourhoods, to help me excel in school and in extra-curricular activities. My mom is my hero.
(Me and My Mom)
In the end, nothing can be changed. You left because you weren’t ready and it hurt me as I got older. Now I’ve come to the realization that I am really much better off without you.
Sincerely,
Jaden