The athlete effect: falling for/ being attracted to someone for the sole purpose that they play a sport and/or are good at said sport (hopefully). Side effects may include being severely manipulated and gaslighted into thinking you’re less important than them because of their “big dreams,” receiving unholy/embarrassing Snapchat photos and/or videos, or probably the most traumatic one: spending way too much money and time watching their games that they’ll most likely be sitting on the bench for. Those concerned that they might be struggling with this effect or wondering if ‘this is about you,’ yes, yes it is! Being surrounded by sports my whole life, with my dad coaching football, my uncle coaching basketball and the whole male population in my family being sports fanatics, it was no shock that when I grew older, this would be my stereotypical type. I feel like girls like myself have set a standard for themselves to think that every mediocre athlete they meet will turn into their own Travis Kelce or Braxton Barrios. After my fair share of experiences with athletes, successful at their sport or not, I feel like it’s about time we start calling out the issue and begin to question why this certain group of boys feels so superior to those around them. Playing a sport really does not make anyone more important.
The athlete effect will make you think that any boy who steps on turf, grass or ice is the ideal one for you. But frankly, the romanticized life you’ve created in your head with someone who confuses you with another girl on his phone before he texts you doesn’t realistically set you up for the fairytale lifestyle you’re imagining. Your typical athlete canon event usually starts with interest from them first, perhaps a text, DM, or even a conversation that’s gotten back to you via a mutual friend. Before anyone can convince you otherwise, he seems surprisingly genuine, kind, dare I say, even interested. After harmless flirting, you then decide to hang out with him. As the orange flags start turning a brighter shade of red, you go back home after hanging out with said boy, singing his praises to your friends, claiming, “he’s different,” “he’s not like the other boys” because heaven forbid there MUST be at least one decently genuine guy on the team right?!? Flags and sirens are red and flashing more than ever and after a few more hangouts with him sharing how much he likes you, how much he truly wants to see you again and maybe if you’ve really got a good one, the classic ‘I’ve told my friends about you” to rope you in, then … no response, left on delivered. Doesn’t this sound all too familiar? Ladies, I’m not here to burst your bubble or try to hit too close to home with this scenario, but if I can recall this same scenario happening from more than one athlete from multiple different sports, it’s starting to seem less of a coincidence and more of just the cold hard truth.
Now, after reviewing this highly proven theory, we can infer that these scenarios of disappointment and excessive roster searches, that just because you fell for his slick talk, good hair, and mediocre gameplay does not mean that he’s different than all of the other ones you talked to before him. This question of “what did I do wrong?” or “why doesn’t he like me?” is what would run through my head as the red flag that everyone else saw except me slowly exited my life. I question now, after somewhat growing out of my strict “he has to play a sport” type, why I automatically thought it was a “me issue.” Even more so, I wonder why we praised boys for treating people like garbage and getting away with it seamlessly because they put a ball in a net or kicked a field goal every once in a while?
Someone who waves to you one day and gives you the cold shoulder the next isn’t because he didn’t see you or he was just “really busy”; it’s because he’s just not a nice guy. He’s not the one for you. There’s no reason to cut slack for people who get put on a pedestal for giving the bare minimum. The athlete effect is so infused with the patriarchy that it almost feels like whenever I’m around a group of male athletes, I’ve just entered a “Mojo Dojo Casa House” times a thousand. When we make excuses for boys, giving them a pat on the back for doing one good thing, we’re slowly turning it into a dangerous cycle of immersing ourselves into toxicity. It’s time we start questioning that toxicity. Because why is a girl full of herself, but a boy is passionate about his sport? A girl is an over-achiever, while a boy who thinks he’s making it to the next level in his sport after two goals all season is just a “hard worker.” Who are we kidding!? I’m not one to bash someone who’s doing something they love and are passionate about, I’m all for pushing yourself to be your best and exceed your own expectations. However, those expectations that boys set for themselves athletically should be translated to how they treat others emotionally. And boys, if you’re not genuinely interested, keep the girlies out of it.We don’t have time to get played with just because you’re bored. We’re just trying to “live out the dream” too. We’ll be doing just fine without you in it. Stay safe out there ladies, talk soon:)
Peace & Love,
Gracee