For the longest time, I found myself putting the needs of others before my own. It became so consistent that I became oblivious to what I was doing, and the consequences of my actions. As a result, it would force me to put myself last. I felt that being a good person entailed making those around me happy, and it sadly manifested into trying to please every person I encountered. I thought that being a good person meant pleasing everyone around me. However, when I realized I was overstepping my boundaries, I decided to slow down and focus on myself.
Focusing on yourself is a task that seems easy to comprehend. However, taking the first step is difficult. After not putting yourself first for the longest time, it’s challenging to learn. For myself, it felt as if I had to learn a new language in a foreign country, self-love. The journey to focusing on yourself isn’t an easy one. There’s a lot of re-learning to navigate life.
The main challenge I faced on my journey of focusing on myself was the fear of shutting people out and them ultimately leaving. However, what’s so beautiful about focusing on yourself is that it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to shut yourself out from those you love. I learned that the right people always stick around and respect your decisions. Overall, the people who care about you in life will stick around through the hardships you have to endure just as you would for them.
I gradually began to pursue activities that piqued my interest, rather than feeling obligated to engage in certain activities to make other people happy. No matter how small of a step I would take, it would lead to me learning more about myself. What’s funny is that I thought I had nothing to learn. I’ve been living in my own body for 18 years and naturally thought I knew everything about myself. However, even pursuing small activities that interest me proved that wrong. Doing things in my interest ultimately captured the beauty of what I enjoy and helped me realize what I didn’t.
I learned that playing competitive sports was not for me anymore. I was only participating in them long after I lost my passion because I felt it was an expectation I had to follow. After this realization, I stopped participating because I knew it didn’t satisfy my needs. It was upsetting to leave something that was a big part of my life. However, I was able to put my energy into new things. Just by stopping something that consumed so much of my life, I was able to find my passion for creative writing, poetry, reading and music. With so much new time on my hands, I’ve had time to embrace these passions in a new light. Overall, focusing on my interests made me much happier than doing things to please others.
Participating in activities that piqued my interest led to me focusing on my own physical and mental health. I started to realize that focusing on myself entailed far more than quitting a sport but taking care of my wellbeing. In the past, self-care was something I didn’t pay attention to as much as I should’ve. I found myself constantly invalidating my own emotions by ignoring them. I also felt compelled to put on a brave face for the sake of those around me. Ignoring my feelings resulted in baggage piling up and forcing me to carry a heavyweight. Before this journey, I found myself rejecting help from others. However, by concentrating on myself, I started to validate my emotions. I ultimately decided to seek help from others and let myself be vulnerable for the sake of my mental and physical health.
By focusing on my wellbeing and passions, I developed new friendships as well as re-connecting with old meaningful friendships. By finally starting the journey of understanding myself as a person, I can recognize the types of people I want in my life. I realized that the people I sadly lost along the way were yet another indicator of who I wanted to be around. In essence, I was able to find a small group of people who love me for who I authentically am rather than who I tried to be. I learned that the feeling of being loved for who I am is significantly better than trying to be someone different according to who I was around. Overall, I’m beyond thankful for the supportive people I’m surrounded by in my life today.
My determination to begin focusing on myself was not easy, especially since I still needed to discover who I was as a person. The fact that I needed to prepare for changes in my life despite not knowing what these changes entailed made this journey difficult. However, making the decision and following through with focusing on myself has changed my life for the better. Since beginning this journey, I’ve learned so much about myself. I’ve learned about my true passions, self-care and the people I want to be around. Most importantly, as I continue my journey, I’ll feel more secure and knowledgeable of who I am as a person. Hence, what the ultimate beauty of focusing on yourself is.