University is often said to be a pivotal chapter in our lives – a time for learning, personal growth and exploration. Among the knowledge we gain, the parties we attend, and the memories (both good and bad), we also gain significant experiences with friendships. These relationships can lay the groundwork for our future social circles and influence our well-being. However, having seen it all for the past three years, I can acknowledge that not all friendships are created equal, and sometimes, we are tasked with finding the courage to let go of toxic relationships to truly discover the connections that are meant for us, so we can flourish, not wilt.
You might be asking how do we recognize toxic friendships? As we navigate through busy university life, it’s important that we spend time considering the relationships we cultivate. A saying I have learned the hard way is “a friend to all is a friend to none.” This saying is most true when we observe friends who frequently engage in drama, talking behind their “friends” backs, causing months-long arguments and are very quick to dissolve their loyalty the minute things do not work in their favour. If someone spends a good chunk of their time criticizing others and their own “friends” rather than building supportive relationships, it’s a red flag, especially if they act all kind to your face, but talk bad about you the minute you leave. Avoid those people at all costs. Just because you are nice to someone’s face, does not mean you are not the issue, a wolf in sheep’s clothing is hard to spot, but understand they will treat you with the same lack of integrity that they treat others. Letting go of those types of individuals can be daunting, especially when shared experiences and memories seem sweet. Yet, once we recognize that these friendships stand in the way of our happiness and well-being, it becomes easier to release the emotional ties, if any still exist.
Now listen, once the weight of negative friendships is lifted, a beautiful shift begins. The universe has a way of redirecting energy, as we create space in our lives, good people begin to gravitate towards us. Once you take a step back from people who you think may not be a good fit for your life, you start to dethrone them from a pedestal you once had them on. From there, you see their actions towards you and others from a different perspective. Some individuals approach relationships with ulterior motives. As we are living in a very social media dependent society and we are convinced that everyone has to like us, some people seek connections primarily for social gain or personal benefit that is only one-sided. When I took a step back and observed, I learned a lot, and I chose to walk away from anything that did not serve me happiness and positivity. I went to high school with a guy, and he recently reminded me of an amazing analogy that can help you determine who, out of the people you spend time with, actually drains you or brings you joy. He said, “There are two different types of friends. You have treadmill friends and couch friends. Couch friends are during and after the hangout, you can feel the energy leaving your body and all you want to do is lie on the couch. Treadmill friends, however, are during and after the hangout, you feel so much positive energy and feel so inspired, all you can think about is running on a treadmill.” I really liked this because, yes, even though I love laying on the couch, I should not feel like that after every time I hang out with someone, I want to surround myself with people who inspire me, who tell me to get my butt up and conquer the world.
Gratitude for genuine friendships can transform our outlook and add such positive value to our lives. Whether it’s studying together, having a meal, going on a drive, talking about life events, embarking on spontaneous adventures, or maybe just weekly talks on the couch while watching trashy reality TV, meaningful friendships create lasting memories and harness a sense of belonging. From the bottom of my heart, I am so grateful for those friendships I have found while in university, thank you for being your genuine selves. We all live busy lives, but you do attempt to be available to catch up and check-in. Some of you I have just met but I look forward to seeing where our story leads. Your heart is full of positivity, warmth and laughter, life truly has more meaning when I get to share the positives (and negatives) with those who care. I cannot wait to see you accomplish all you can, you are meant for wonderful things.
In the quest for friendship when in university, it’s crucial, and I mean crucial, to prioritize quality over quantity. University offers numerous opportunities to meet people, but not every connection will align with our values, and that is okay. If you have not found meaningful connections and friendships in university yet, perhaps take a look into yourself and the people who you choose to be around, are they good people? Do you gossip about them, and vice versa? Are they just party friends? Do they actually care about you, and do you actually care about them? When we focus on finding friends who uplift us, challenge us positively, and respect our boundaries, we end up finding ourselves on this more fulfilled and motivated path of life.
So, as you navigate your university journey, embrace the good people who come your way and cherish those friendships that enrich your life while letting go of those that bring unnecessary drama. Once you do, you will find a more pleasant university experience and you will see yourself flourish, to become the best you that you can be. Stay positive!