When I have negative feelings towards myself, I’ve been told to treat it like a wave on the shore. Let it come in, let the feeling wash over, but then let it leave again. It seems so simple to let the negative emotions go, yet… it’s not always that easy.
It became even more difficult when it was a person, whether a friend, romantic partner or even a family member, who was the source of my pain. Letting them just “wash away” felt impossible. How was I supposed to just “let go of someone” when they had played such a big part in my life? I was never taught how to move forward and let go, and as a result, I held onto relationships long after they turned toxic, convincing myself it would get better if I tried harder. But at some point, the reality sets in that sometimes, if you hold onto something too hard for too long, it will break.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: letting go is not about forgetting or cutting off feelings overnight. Letting go is about regaining emotional space. When I held on too tight to someone who wasn’t right for me, it left no room for anything good to come in and it became emotionally draining. What’s worse is I would stop liking and wanting to be around them because I was holding onto how they made me feel without talking it out. Without meaning to I would become distant with no explanation. At this point, it was not just me being hurt.
Letting go required me to understand that I deserved as much happiness and peace as I brought others. And sometimes, that peace would come from stepping back. As hard as it was, I had to accept that their role in my life had changed no matter how much I didn’t want that to be true. It’s true what they say; some people are only for a season, and they won’t always be in your life forever.
Letting go is not for the weak, it requires courage and bravery. Once I understood that I had lived without them before and I was strong enough to do it again, letting go truly felt as simple as letting a wave go back to sea. For the last year, I have been so dedicated to my growth, becoming someone I can truly be proud to be, and sometimes, the people in my life held me back from being who I needed to be for myself.
With time, I have realized that stepping back from relationships is not wrong, if anything, it was the best choice I could have made. It helped me regain clarity, self-respect and love for myself I thought I had lost. I have started to choose myself and my peace when, for so long, I didn’t even think that was an option I had. By letting go, I have gained so much more than I have lost. There is a power in choosing yourself, a freedom that I gained. Freedom from the weight of worrying that I will lose someone because now, I understand that if there’s enough reason for me to walk away, my life can only improve.
Never for a moment will I regret the relationships I’ve had. Even if one of us ended up walking away, I shared so many amazing moments with them and a piece of them lies with me forever.