Currently, I’m sitting at my computer writing this article as I am trying to find my way through this chaotic week at the beginning of exam season. My academic validation and perfectionism have begun to take over me and I realized that it was time to openly talk about this struggle that I and other people may have a difficult time coping with.
Perfectionism can be defined as a “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” That’s the definition in simplest terms, but it runs so much deeper than that short sentence. Achieving perfection is impossible. Let me say it again. It is impossible. I have a hard time grasping that word because I like to control every aspect of my life down to the smallest detail of for example, how I organize my pens by colour on my desk. This isn’t healthy- and it honestly wasn’t until on the weekend that I realized this when I received my very first not-so-great mark for the term, which led me to have a breakdown. Striving for this perfect performance makes it difficult to receive constructive criticism or even judgment on projects or from peers.
However, as bad as this breakdown was, it really put into perspective that I will never be able to achieve perfection. All this idea is doing to me is causing my mental health and wellbeing to go down. I don’t think many people understand how trying to achieve the unrealistic really affects our mental and physical health. Trying to achieve this perfectionism takes away from even my social life sometimes – I refuse to go out because I am too scared if I take that time to enjoy myself that I will be unable to attain this perfect essay or analysis. I think that if I don’t focus and make sure that my notes for my readings are perfect, then I won’t have enough content to properly apply towards a course.
Perfectionism can affect many important aspects of our lives and it isn’t discussed enough. I find myself putting on this smile that I have my life together and that it is perfect externally and internally, but in reality, I don’t have my life together. I struggle with my academics daily and therefore feel I need to put more effort in to try and obtain this perfect mark. When I do receive this mark, I let it dictate that my life is okay and that these good grades that I receive are the tell-tale of my life being in perfect balance. But that isn’t the case and honestly, it will never be like that.
No life is perfect; with all these different parts of our lives, sure we can achieve what we believe is perfect, but everyone’s opinion on what perfect means is different. We need to stop letting this extremely unattainable standard control our emotions and feelings. Trying to obtain a level of perfectionism is only causing us to become drained and emotionally detached from our true selves. There’s the constant voice in my head saying that I can do more, but in reality, this isn’t possible, and as I said earlier, it is impossible to achieve perfection.
For everyone that feels the struggle of trying to achieve this perfect life, I encourage you to take a step back. Do some self-reflecting and ask what is this really doing to our minds and bodies? My reflection screamed that I need to take a step back, take breaks and start really valuing my own time. I need to do things that I enjoy rather than trying to achieve the impossible.