Do you thrive off checking your to-do list to completion, like to have control of your environment, are usually the friend who makes the plans and live your days based on an itinerary? Well, if you relate to these you probably have a Type-A personality like me. You also probably have had a super poor time in lockdown.
Don’t get me wrong, lockdown is brutal no matter your personality type. However, we Type-As face a certain set of mentally straining challenges that come with being locked down. Whether you know you’re a Type-A, know someone who is or are curious about whether this applies to you– may this article bring you some sort of peace in at least knowing that you’re not alone.
A very typical trait of this personality type is the need for control in almost every aspect of life. From controlling your own daily schedule to having a strict daily routine and controlling your surrounding environment. It’s for this reason most Type-A people will resort to being the ‘planner’ of their friend groups, scheduling their lives months in advance and needing every detail when decision-making. It’s also for this reason that lockdown can be a very stressful and anxious time. It’s one thing to want to be more flexible and loose with your schedule; it’s another to be forced into it.
Lockdowns have released us from any and all control of our lives. With restrictions changing rapidly, randomly and without warning, all plans become conditional. This is very hard on someone who thrives on control because even basic daily routines become uncertain. Something as simple as ‘going to the gym at 5 p.m.’ is no longer always a consistent or realistic idea.
This can be a massive stressor and cause of anxiety. It can feel overwhelming, overpowering and make you feel lost as though your life isn’t your own. I know this feeling firsthand, and it was probably one of the hardest emotions to work through. I’m not perfect and still struggle with this heavily from time to time. However, one major thing that has helped me move through this has been choosing to view this as an opportunity to gain a new skill rather than viewing it as a lack of control. It’s an opportunity to allow myself to release control and become more flexible with the changes. Like I said, this isn’t easy. I majorly struggle more than occasionally, and I’ve been working on this for the better part of two years. However, it has caused a lot of that anxiety to be released and that emotion has flowed into drive to complete a new challenge. This doesn’t mean I wake up in the morning and let go of my daily schedules and to-do lists… because I definitely don’t. What it means is that every time there’s news of another lockdown or restrictions, and I feel that rising anxiety paired with hopelessness, I give myself five minutes. Five minutes to be pissed off, angry, rant, journal out my feelings or cry; whatever it is that I need. Then, I remind myself that this is another opportunity to try and grow. Another opportunity to release emotions towards things that I’m not able to control. The key to this is patience and kindness towards yourself. The reminder that this is a goal, and if it were easy, it wouldn’t be something to work towards.
Another huge challenge about being a Type-A personality in lockdown is this big fear of change that many of us have. Now let me explain this – fear of change doesn’t mean having the need to wake up and have everything be the same, every day; the fear of change is different for everyone. The main concept of it though is found to be rooted in the fear of being pushed into experiences or moments that are uncomfortable and out of a zone we feel familiar or in control of. For example, changing into a Covid-setting was uncomfortable, scary and new. As a stress response, our bodies reached to find and claim familiar territory among the unfamiliar, and have used that as a new basis for what is ‘normal’ and routine. Naturally, as things move and shift towards reopening, there’s a sense of excitement… and a sense of anxiety. Fears of how to integrate back into regular life, how to manage and control your schedule or if you can get used to real life again while there is a lingering fear of it getting shut down. All these fears are rational, but it can be hard to let them stay as just that: fears. Naturally, our bodies want to give into these fears and make them go away; we want to be comfortable. The next few months are going to be hard as we slowly test the waters of ‘reopening’ to life again and there’s always the chance that we’ll get locked down again. I’m not sure how to navigate these waters yet as none of us have gone through it. However, my plan is to handle it the way I’ve slowly learned to handle the rest of my fears and anxiety throughout this experience: with an open and honest attitude. I’ve found when I’m honest about my fears to those around me, it’s not only easier for me to place the actual magnitude of them (compared to how big they feel in my head); it also allows people close to me to be a source of support. Oftentimes, many of them are also able to relate to my feelings, leading to a feeling of comfort and security for myself. Although this comfort doesn’t make the anxiety or fear go away completely, it makes it feel a lot less scary and a lot more manageable.
There’s no perfect way to go about a lockdown. This is a new territory that none of us have faced prior to this. That being said, we’re never getting back the time spent within this lockdown. Just because we can’t do the things we’re typically used to such as going to the gym, restaurants or seeing friends doesn’t mean that these years must be wasted.
I’ve learned more about myself over these two years than I ever have in the past. I’ve grown, matured and changed based on the fact that despite all the bad that comes with these lockdowns – I’ve never had more uninterrupted time to sit and be with myself. We may never go back to how life was before the lockdown, and even if we do, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to how I was before… however, I’m starting to learn that maybe that isn’t such a bad thing