The Subtle Art of Not Making It All About You

In the everyday dance of self-discovery and ego, it’s surprisingly easy to fall in love with one’s own reflection. As we learn to label every behaviour with our budding knowledge of psychology, we run the risk of confusing self-awareness with an incessant focus on our personal dramas. Remember, a brief encounter with Freud’s theories doesn’t necessarily translate into profound self-understanding. Hiding behind inspirational quotes to prove to others that you are changed and bettering yourself is just a mere duct tape solution to the true healing and understanding of oneself that needs to occur. In the new year, we are all going to work on one very important skill: the subtle art of not making it all about you. 

When Empathy Takes a Backseat

Picture this scenario: a friend shares a heartbreak they’ve experienced, and instead of offering comfort, you steal the stage to recount your own tragic tale. It’s easy to hear a story and immediately connect it to your own life, but guess what? Sometimes, a person needs comforting words, not words of your own life events. This is a classic case of one-upmanship, not solidarity. True empathy doesn’t come with a scoreboard. To be a better friend and person this year, watch how you respond when a loved one is describing their own tragedies in life; are you immediately responding with ways to make it about you? 

The Art of Hijacking Hellos

Consider the experience of meeting new people. New classmates, new coworkers, new living mates. First impressions are incredibly important in any situation. They’re hoping for a warm welcome, yet what they get is an unsolicited torrent of your past emotional turmoil and grievances right away. When meeting someone for the first time, ask questions about them and only discuss yourself when promoted. Also, try to stay away from your own dramatic life events when you first meet someone. They hope for a fresh start wherever you meet them, not a starring role in your personal drama series. 

The Online Echo Chamber 

A quick scroll through social media reveals a flood of motivational quotes and affirmations. I am a victim of the quick motivational post repost on Instagram, to make people think “Wow, she’s so inspiring.” While spreading positivity is commendable, the constant stream of self-congratulatory posts is incredibly disingenuous. Are these reflections of real growth, or just for show? If no one was watching, would you continue to affirm these inspiring words? True personal development is quiet and doesn’t seek validation from virtual applause. The world doesn’t need to know you’re growing and improving, just do it. 

Listen Like You Mean It

Here’s a simple test for your next conversation: are you truly listening or just waiting for your turn to speak? I have met those who simply talk to hear their own voice and repeat themselves when it truly isn’t necessary. Genuine dialogue involves a give and take, not merely broadcasting your own mega. Practice giving others space to express themselves, without planning your response in advance. 

Life’s narrative is rich with diverse stories, there is so much more than just our own. The study of human behaviour, including understanding traits of narcissism, offers valuable insights. Yet, it’s such a curious phenomenon how someone can expertly discuss these traits without recognizing a single one in the mirror. As we share and interact, let’s strive not to only spotlight our own voices, but to truly hear the stories around us. In this mosaic of life, every voice matters; make sure yours uplifts, not overshadows. 

• HC Laurier
• HCWLU
• New Year
• self-discovery
• Self-Reflection
• WLU