The ‘Putting Myself First’ trend has become a popular new topic that many young people in their twenties are deciding to live by. It’s intertwining into every action of individual lives, so much that the new term for ‘Putting Myself First’ has twisted into ‘In My Villain Era,’ or as I like to call it, ‘Anti-Hero Era’ – calling out to all my favourite swifties in the world, I see you and get you.
But what does putting yourself first really mean? Coming from someone who heard the lyric pathological people pleaser and felt like she was truly seen, I’ve never truly understood what it means to put yourself first.
Yet, slowly over time, I felt as if the whole idea of putting myself first started to become easier for me. Suddenly, I found myself saying no to people and plans I didn’t particularly have an interest in and feeling little to no shame. It became easier to have days to myself without the suffocating pressure of feeling like I needed to do everything for everyone. It became easier to cut people off – no matter how close we were – when they continually disrespected me, it became easier to let people go without much care.
To pick yourself over people, options and anything else is a form of bravery and power. It doesn’t make you a villain. Though people will title you as one anyway, here’s a simple truth: No matter what you do in life, no matter how many times you bend over backwards to please people or how small you make yourself to fit whatever image a person has of you, it won’t work. Some people in life won’t agree with your actions and will consider you a villain for putting yourself first, and honestly, just let them do it.
Putting yourself first means prioritizing yourself. It means saying no to extra responsibilities when you become so exhausted you can barely function. It means cancelling plans when you realize you need time for yourself, it doesn’t matter what the situation is. It’s okay to say no. It means cutting out friends and people in your life who are constantly disrespecting you or no longer fitting the mould of your life. It’s okay to change your mind, to leave people behind, to say no or to do whatever is necessary to succeed for yourself.
More than anything, putting yourself first means having to set boundaries with yourself and others. It means self-compassion when you feel as if you’re failing at life whether it’s because of essays, work, or family, the list can be endless. It means setting boundaries with friends when they disrespect you, talk behind your back or make you feel small. Boundaries mean communication, which is a concept most people in their early twenties struggle with. However, it doesn’t mean it is impossible to overcome. The more you communicate and set boundaries, the easier it becomes to find safety in putting yourself first – or being the villain.
We only have one life, and it’s always okay to be the villain in someone else’s narrative. Especially if it means you’re putting yourself first and making sure the rest of your life is stable and beautiful.