Do you think of yourself as a Nutella lover, a soccer player, or a musician? That’s what you’ve been writing on your ‘Who Are You?’ papers since kindergarten right? This week we sat down in class and the professor handed us a blank cue card then asked us to tell them who we are. However, unlike many times before, this really troubled us. There are actions and activities that we do and enjoy, but they are not who we are. They are labels and we so desperately live by them to try and fit the mold.
Do you know where labels belong? On salt and pepper shakers. They don’t belong in your life, and they shouldn’t define you.
We aren’t saying that you can’t be a cat lover or even a black belt in Karate, but it doesn’t have to be who you are, your defining feature. You have so much more to offer than to hide behind a label.
Another major troubling factor is accepting yourself. Society gives you labels, often at a young age and you continue to live under those guidelines for years to come. It is okay to be in love with your passion, but don’t stop when you have found one. Keep trying new things and pushing boundaries, you could have so many passions that are so different and they make you, YOU.
BE YOURSELF. Even if you don’t exactly know what that means. You don’t have to be cookie cutter, you can be a Toy Story lover who figure skates and is a role model to their friends for the way they persevere through the worst of times. If that is who you are, then embrace it and celebrate it.
We so badly wanted to grab that blank cue card in lecture and write a loving older brother, a loyal friend who cares for others during a bad breakup, a spreader of positivity, a compassionate person who is always looking out to help others, a women who is not afraid to cry because she is brave and it helps the healing process.
We could also write someone who is nervous about what they are doing after they graduate, someone who struggled with the concept of family growing up and is trying to find a family here at Laurier, or a girl who tossed and turned last night over whether her partner is right for her. This is the real life stuff, the day-to-day events and feelings and emotions that show who you really are.
The American Novelist, Anne Lament said, “You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren’t. You take the action, and the insight follows: You don’t think your way into becoming yourself.”
We can so often be caught up in what we love and searching for our passions that we allow these things to define us. It is, however, equally important to make mistakes and learn from experiences. It is easy to be overcome by fear when things are going wrong or the ideals that you set have not been met. Realizing that failure is inevitable will give you so many points to takeaway in life and a more insightful perspective on a situation.
Our feelings of confusion are completely justified. We feel lost and puzzled about our future because it will never be what we think it will. In the midst of confusion, you learn to work through one area at a time. Confusion leads to clarity.
Raj Raghunathan, a Ph.D in Sapient Nature speaks to how we as humans care so deeply about what other people think and how that can be a major focus when we try to come to the understanding of who we are. “Human beings are hyper-social creatures. We care a lot—at times, too much—about what other people think of us. As such, it seems natural that we should care about who we are and what we think of ourselves.”
Now this is difficult, we know. How do you put the lenses on and not care what other people think? Everyone wants a say in who you are. Just look at social media, every where you look companies are trying to sell you items or give you new experiences that will direct your tastes and help you figure out who you are. But is it really helping?
People will try to give you their two cents. We aren’t saying this is necessarily a bad thing because not everyone wants to lead you astray. Even the closest people in your life will tell you what they think you should do or who they see you as, and that can come from a sincere and thoughtful place. Being in a safe environment with those who care for you can be a good place to try new things because you know that you will have their support. You still have to remember that they are not you; only you are going to truly know what is going to define who you are.
When you start to worry or think more about who you truly are, it’s important to consider perspective. Who are you in relation to your environment? Does who you are differ when you are in different circumstances? Perspective is so valuable and can change your viewpoint or position on what you truly want both now and in the long run.
“The conundrum of figuring out one’s inner self and true passions can be confusing enough but add a myriad of career choices or life paths to the mix and a young college student has quite a dilemma on their hands.” – Fiorella Bonicelli
Who you are is a lot different than what you are. Think back to when you were younger and were constantly asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This is where we got so lost. We were never asked who we want to be. We grow up with goals to be ballerinas, electricians, professional hockey players and businesswomen and we focus so intensely on getting those dream roles. But those roles are not the definition of who you are, and that is where the confusion lays. The great conflict of who and what; yet what you are is only a fraction of who you are. In reality, what is just a role we play and it may have very little to do with our true identity as a person.
It’s okay to not know who you are, you’re in university! You stumble through it trying to figure it out. Meet new people, join new clubs, and be okay with not knowing. We are all learning together. Ditch the labels, make mistakes, find what you love and keep on stumbling your way to knowing for certain who you are. The journey is long but it is so worth it.
Citations:
Lamott, Anne. “Becoming the Person You Were Meant to Be: Where to Start.” Oprah.com. O Magazine, 1 Nov. 2009. Web. 16 Jan. 2015. <“>http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201202/figuring-out-t….
Bonicelli, Fiorella. “What Are the First Few Steps to Figuring out What to Do with Your Life When the Choices Are so Vast?” What Are the First Few Steps to Figuring out What to Do with Your Life When the Choices Are so Vast? | A Conversation on TED.com. Ted.com. Web. 16 Jan. 2015. <“>http://tinybuddha.com/blog/feeling-lost-and-how-it-can-help-you-find-you….
“How Well Do You Know Your True Self?” Advanced LIfe Skills. Web. 16 Jan. 2015. <