If you successfully followed all of the trends throughout elementary and middle school, this article may not be for you. But if you, like us, struggled to keep up with the ever-changing fashion trends and hot-new-toys, you can probably relate.
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Gauchos. When I was in second grade, all the trendy girls were wearing gauchos, those free-flowing, stretch-cotton goddess pants that could also pass as a skirt if you stood with your legs together. I wanted them. Badly. When I expressed this burning need to my mom, she was sympathetic to the plight of a young girl trying to fit in. While I was at school one day, she went shopping for me, and when I got home, there was a pair of bright, aqua-blue gauchos sitting on my bed. I was mortified. Why you may ask? Because nobody else in my class had colored gauchos. They all had ~classy~ (?) gauchos in tan, brown, or black. My eight-year-old self-cringed at the thought of showing up to school the next day and sticking out like a sore, blue, thumb. Of course, now that I’ve gained a decade of experience (and the ability to buy my own classy gauchos if I so please), I realize conformity is #overrated, and I should have been proud to rock those blue gauchos. Alas, hindsight is 20/20. I was too embarrassed to wear the pants more than once, and they sit unused in the back of my closet to this day. Kidding, I have no idea what happened to them, but you get my point. *Stores such as Walmart have Gauchos for sale in prices ranging from $7.00 to $140.00 (!!) for reasons unknown*
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A GAP sweatshirt. I don’t know why, but my mom never let me shop at the Gap as a kid. I was allowed to shop anywhere else, from Old Navy to Limited Too to The Children’s Place, but for some reason my mom was anti-GAP. She told me that when I was a baby, GAP clothes did not “fit” me or my brother. I am still unclear about what made my baby body so uniquely shaped that the GAP was not an option, but it basically convinced my mom to never set foot in the GAP again. This made me just want to shop there all the more! Specifically, I was deeply obsessed with the GAP logo sweatshirts that came in a multitude of colors. I really can’t explain it, but I spent an unusual amount of time planning outfits around this sweatshirt that I did not have. While it featured heavily in my outfit fantasies, this wish never came true. Now, I can buy one on the GAP website- and it’s on sale for 14.99!!!!! http://www.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=254792041&vid=1&locale=e…
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Anything from Limited Too. Stores like Limited Too and Justice were chock-full of brightly colored tank-top-and-crop-top combos, long shirts that could be pulled up and worn as dresses (?), make-your-own lip gloss stations, sparkly headbands, stuffed animal keychains that could go on your backpack… the list of amazing and magical things available from those stores goes on and on. And tragically, as you’ve probably guessed, I didn’t have any of them. My wardrobe was comprised mostly by jeans and those rugby shirts from Old Navy (my brother and I had matching ones).
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Chef Boyardee. This is a weird one, and I’m honestly not sure how relatable it is, but when I was little, I really wanted Chef Boyardee, and I wasn’t allowed to have it. Maybe “not allowed” is the wrong phrase. My mom just refused to buy it at the grocery store. I’m not totally sure why I wanted it so bad, but I really did, particularly the ravioli variety. Those commercials just really got to me. I dreamt of a cute little can of Chef Boyardee slipping off the shelf and rolling after me all the way home. I now have the agency and power to buy my own canned pasta, but for some unknowable reason, it has lost its appeal. *You can buy a 12-pack of  microwavable Chef Boyardee Mini Beef Ravioli on Amazon for $24.90*
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Floam. Do you guys remember Floam? Floam commercials were slime porn before slime porn was a thing. Floam was also cool because you could mold it around objects and let it dry there. For absolutely no reason except decoration. Obviously I did not have floam in my home (my mom was too smart for that after raising 5 kids). But my neighbors were cool and trendy, so they DID have floam. And let me tell you, it was NOT as fun as it looked in the commercials. *Floam is still available for purchase on Amazon.*
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A Trampoline. Every year, I would put this one on my Christmas list, and every year, my parents would disappoint. Despite the horror stories they told me about children on trampolines, I still wanted one so badly. I dreamed about having friends over and being able to hop on my trampoline, playing endless rounds of popcorn (the one where you lie in a ball and your friend tries to bounce you into a spread out position). Well, now I can jump on a trampoline whenever I please, thanks to the multitude of trampoline centers spreading out across the country. Take that parents! If you want to fulfill your lifelong goal of bouncing around with reckless abandon for hours on end, Sky Zone in Albany is a short car ride away and 1 hour will set you back only 14 buckaroos.
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Baby Bottle Pops. Why was this candy so huge back in the day? Why did I want it so much? These are just a few of the questions I’ll never have answers for. It might have had something to do with the infectious jingle that I still sing to myself when I see it in the grocery store, but I will never truly understand the fascination I once had with ingesting candy as if I was an infant. The one time I did have it, it was mediocre at best, but that did nothing to quell my fascination for this candy. A question for the ages if I’ve ever heard one.
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Basically the entire mall. This is a bit of a blanket category, but it had to be done. There were just way too many stores my mom did not approve of back in the day. Abercrombie and Fitch? Only with adult supervision. Victoria’s Secret? Forget about it. And don’t even get me started on Spencer’s and/or Hot Topic (tbh I do not know the difference). To be honest, I didn’t even really want to go into either of those stores because they scared the crap out of me, but I still felt obligated as a ~wild and crazy~ tween to attempt to cross those forbidden thresholds. Now, if you ever go into a mall, you are sure to find at least one of these stores. Feel free to go in and look around, but the loud music and overly scented space may just have you thanking your mom for having your best interests at heart.
So, go forth and buy all the things you wanted as a kid. You probably forgot until now that you ever wanted them, but they’re probably still out there!
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