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Guydance: How Do I Ask Him ‘What Are We?’

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Winona chapter.

Dear Guydance,

After how many times of sleeping with a guy do I ask about “what we are”? Do I not even go there? I don’t want to come across as annoying.

-Confused

Dear Confused,

This is a totally legit question and I’m ready to hopefully knock it out of the park. I’m not going to lie, this is a very sticky situation, but totally manageable. By you asking me this I’m going to assume that you’re interested in him now. Here’s the good news; obviously you’re either really good in bed or he likes you, and if it’s a grand slam; both. So if all else fails just know that at least you have that going for ya.

Next step, definitely talk to the guy, BUT DO NOT bring this up after you… you know…. do the deed, or if you watch a movie, anything like that, don’t bring it up. This is a conversation that should happen at lunch, coffee, study date;  like that. Please, please, PAHLEASE, be blunt when you bring this up too. Don’t beat around the bush, because quite frankly the situation you’re in right now is already exactly that. Just straight up tell him how you feel, make the move and ask him “What are we?”

Hell, if you think you want something more with him then you should start with honesty now. There’s not a better time. If you’re okay with sleeping together, just let him know. If you do want to pursue something, this is where it has to start. There’s a possibility you’ll blindside him a bit and he’ll need some time to think, this is totally acceptable, but when he’s thinking about this don’t keep sleeping with him. Find out what you are first, this is your life too and you gotta do what makes you happy. If any of your friends decide to give you grief just remember that people meet in interesting ways.

Ultimately, you definitely should bring it up but it’s essential you do it at an appropriate time because otherwise you’re not going to get a full thought from him. Like I said, it’s your life, so you gotta do what makes you happy and whatever that is, you deserve to know exactly where this stands.

Good Luck!Adam Bartusek

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Adam Bartusek is a Senior double majoring in Communication Studies and Recreation Tourism with a Minor in Coaching. On weekends you can either find him on the ice/open water fishing, shooting hoops, golfing, watching sports on TV, or having a few cold ones with some friends. He is a firm believer in quotes and that if you don’t like reading, you just haven’t found the right book yet. As of now he is currently working on finishing a series of four books he hopes to publish! Be sure to check out his Outdoor Media Company Team Yukon Outdoors as well.
Miranda is currently a Winona State University senior studying mass communication with an emphasis in advertising and is also pursing a graphic design degree. In addition to being Winona State’s Campus Correspondent, she is also the president of WSU’s Advertising Federation club. When she’s not busy binge watching One Tree Hill for the umpteenth time, you can find her working on her longboards, which she creates from scratch. She is a Diet Coke addict and indie music enthusiast filled with passion and imagination. She plans to get out of chilly Minnesota to find internship opportunities after graduation.