I’m perplexed with the idea that celebrities are worshipped as if they were gods or goddesses. It doesn’t make any sense to me, since they’re human and literally everyone obsessed with them is also human, but I’ll let it go—for now. Last semester, I took a classical mythology course and studied stories about Ancient Greek legends, gods, and goddesses. All of the Ancient Greek gods and goddesses had human attributes, and it got me thinking about how each of those gods and goddesses are represented in today’s celebrities. Here’s a list of eight celebrities, including couples, who fit into their Greek personas like a glove.
Zeus and Hera: Jay-Z and Beyoncé
Power couple alert! Either way you look at it, both of these couples rule in their own world. Zeus was the main big-shot god, and Hera was his queen and the goddess of marriage. Now, Zeus was known for cheating on his queen and getting “power slapped” for it each time. Ring any bells? Beyoncé put up no sh*t when she released Lemonade and called out her husband for cheating on her, letting the world know that she was still a queen and very much still in power. However, no stories have come out about Beyoncé turning someone into a cow for sleeping with her husband (as Hera did), but that’s maybe that’s the reason we haven’t discovered “Becky with the good hair.”
Aphrodite and Ares: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Need I explain? I’ll do it anyway because I’m pretty proud of myself for coming up with this one. Aphrodite was known for appearing in front of each person as the one they desired most in the world. She was the goddess of love and sexual desire, and was kind of portrayed as a cold-hearted bee-otch. Now, in no way am I saying that Kim is the devil, but she is seen in the media as being overly-obsessed with her looks and perception by others. Also, she’s drop-dead gorgeous. Ares, on the other hand, was the hot-headed god of war and rage. I don’t think I need to cite all of the times that Kanye has interrupted others on stage or gone off on a Twitter rampage, so suffice to say, these two are the perfect match for Aphrodite and Ares.
Hermes: Ellen Degeneres
Hermes was the god known for being a trickster and outsmarting the other gods and goddesses when he wanted to. Just hours after he was born, he was stealing sacred cows, grilling them, and then lying about it the next morning! Even though he was a trickster, all the other deities loved him. Hermes reminded me a lot of Ellen Degeneres. Ellen is distinguished from other celebrities for tricking and scaring people whom she brings on her talk show. And although Ellen spooks everyone when they least expect it, she is still loved by many.
Apollo: Zac Efron
Apollo was the god of the sun and music. He invented the lyre, an early guitar/ukulele, and his voice could serenade and calm even the most vicious monster in Ancient Greece. Apollo was also quite the ladies’ man. I like to think of Zac Efron as the sun because whenever his face shows up on a movie screen, everyone in the audience just sighs, smiles, and hangs onto every word he says. Plus, HE CAN SING LIKE AN ANGEL! Apollo and Zac Efron are the whole package, and no one could go wrong with either.
Dionysus: Miley Cyrus
Party time! Dionysus was the god of partying, sex, alcohol… anything that has to do with a college party, he was in charge of. Dionysus threw the best parties that lasted for days and he generally knew how to have a good time. Present day Miley may not be as crazy as Dionysus, but a few years ago Miley, after she broke out of the Disney mold, definitely knew how to party like it was 150000 B.C.E. in Ancient Greece. Need I remind you of the dance with Robin Thicke? Look, all I’m saying is that if Miley and Dionysus got together and threw a party, no one would be going to work on Monday because we’d all be too hungover to even open our eyes.
Poseidon: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Poseidon was the god of the sea, and he created earthquakes and tsunamis. Since he was in charge of producing such huge problems, I have to assume that the dude was ripped. Maybe he could even do a pec dance… and speaking of pec dances, “The Rock” can do a spectacular pec dance and he is literally all muscles. I would be surprised if there was even an ounce of fat on that man’s body. Plus, he voiced one of the characters in Moana who traveled across the sea to help the chief’s daughter (not princess). You’re welcome!
Even though I know that I didn’t cover the hundreds of gods and goddesses that exist, I did hit on most of the main ones who “lived” in Ancient Greece and were worshipped. Now, stop following the Kardashians on Twitter and ogling over some dude’s abs on Instagram. Go out and read a book. Edumacate yourself!