I’ll admit it- just like the other 50% of college students, I have used Tinder. I will also admit that I used to be an avid user. I would literally spend hours swiping left and right as if my life depended on it.
I started using Tinder because I had a good friend who also used it and he wanted my advice on which girls he should swipe right for. As a joke, I decided that I would download Tinder and make a profile for myself. Very quickly, however, it became less of a joke for me and more of a fun way to meet new people. I don’t know if my intentions on Tinder were to meet different people just to pass the time, to find new people who I’d casually snapchat with, or to meet the love of my life. Either way, I continued using the app. While using Tinder, I noticed a few things that I’m sure most of us ladies have noticed. It’s time one of us finally said something.
Dear Dude from Tinder,
No, I do not want to have sex with you. Apparently, I’m not even worth a casual greeting such as “Hi, how are you.” You decided to skip straight to the dirty deed. What made you think that saying, “Want to hook up?” or “Wanna come over tonight?” as your opening statement would TRULY result in me being interested and wanting to give myself to you in a matter of five minutes? Did you truly believe that I would message you back saying, “Sure, why not! I’d love to have sex with you, guy I just met a second ago ;)” That’s not my style at all. While it is okay with some girls, it’s not okay with me. Even if there are some girls who are down to just hook up, they at least deserve a simple “hello.”
No, I do not find it attractive for you to have a photo of hot girls on each arm. This does not make you look cool. It makes you look like you’re trying to show me that you’re some kind of player. Do you think you’re some kind of gift to all women? It’s ass if you’re trying to say, “You, too, could be lucky enough to be one of these girls on my arm!” News flash! I do not want to be one of those girls! You do not look like a humble guy when you put up a photo of you and two street girls that you took a picture with on your last vacation to Las Vegas. No thanks. Left swipe.
No, I do not want to be your Chocolate Queen, nor am I interested in “white chocolate.”
Before I begin, I think it is slightly necessary that I let it be known that I am a black woman who has only ever talked to or been on dates with white men, so Tinder is not my first interaction with white men. As a black woman on Tinder, I have very often had guys ask me this simple question: “Hey, babe, you like white chocolate?” Umm, excuse me? Are you trying to figure out my favorite dessert? Are you trying to learn whether or not you should get me white chocolate-covered strawberries for our first date? What the hell does that mean? See, it would be hilarious if I had only gotten that message once, maybe twice. However, that is not the case. I have gotten that message so many times that it’s not even close to funny anymore. It literally got to the point where I felt that it was necessary for me to put into my bio, “Please refrain from referring to yourself as ‘white chocolate.’” White men of tinder – PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE… stop doing this to yourself. I think I can speak for most black women when I say that we do not like this at all. You are not a dessert, you are a person. Please do not message me asking if I am interested in white chocolate if you would not message a white woman saying the same thing. While I’m on this topic of race, I’d also like to add in that we as black women are tired of being told “you’re pretty for a black girl.” I’m BEAUTIFUL. PERIOD. Do not disrespect my melanin with that back-handed compliment.
Although I’ve had a lot of negative interactions on Tinder, it’s not all that bad.
Tinder gives you the outlet to meet people that you previously would not have been able to meet. I have met a couple of guys who I am friends with now. You make true relationships through Tinder if you go about it the right way! I have now been in a relationship with my current partner for approximately 8 months and guess what? WE MET ON TINDER!! Zachary and I started off by talking on the app and then we switched over to Snapchat. It was after that that we decided to meet up in person and start going on dates. Without Tinder, I am sure that we wouldn’t have ever met. We are complete opposites and we live 45 minutes from each other, so we probably wouldn’t have run into each other anywhere. I have asked Zach before, if he would have seen me at a party or a bar, would he have approached me? He said that he is kind of shy and he probably would have been too intimidated to. Tinder gave us that outlet for him to feel free and able to simply say hi! I am grateful to have had a resource to meet the person who I now can see myself being with for a very long time. I believe that anyone can find their “person” through Tinder; it’s all about using the app appropriately! Tinder dudes, please learn how to use this app correctly.
Sincerely,
An Ex Tinder Girl.