Self-love is undeniably one of the hardest things to do, especially because much of society values telling or showing you that you shouldn’t love the skin you’re in. It’s jammed into our minds from a young age that you have to look a certain way to be loved. The beauty industry can become detrimental to young minds because we’re not able to see stereotypically beautiful people that look like us in advertisements. It can be difficult to grow out of the belief that you are not “pretty” or “hot” because the world does not tell you so.
As a child, I had known from a relatively young age that I am not what the beauty industry considers beautiful. I remember being as young as 12 and not liking my body. I wasn’t thin like all the “popular” girls that everyone liked. My body had begun developing cellulite, my stomach was not flat and my thighs were large. My body had not looked the way I wanted it to. But I wasn’t unbelievably self-conscious about my body, not until I was around 16 years old.
As a sophomore in high school, beauty standards stood out more than when I was a child and in middle school. I hadn’t thought much about how my peers and others saw me, not until I would hear remarks from others regarding my body. There were comments pointing out how big my arms were, which was not something I was aware of before. I had been told on multiple occasions that my shoulders were wide, so wide that they looked like shoulders of a man. As a young girl in high school, these comments stood out and made an impression on me.
For years, I had become my biggest critic, paying closer attention while looking in the mirror. I was hesitant to wear tank tops because they showed my big arms and wide shoulders, which also meant that I didn’t like to wear certain shirts or dresses because they were tight in the arms and accentuated my insecurities. I didn’t like to wear shorts that showed cellulite and stretch marks on my thighs, which were big compared to the rest of my body.
I got over my insecurity of wearing shorts, learning to love my legs and the imperfections that come with them. It was easier for me because body positivity (a social movement rooted in the belief that all human beings should have a positive body image, while challenging the ways in which society presents and views the physical body) is a trend on social media which I wholeheartedly support. But it took me much longer to feel comfortable in tank tops and tight-fitting shirts. That’s because rather than noticing my imperfections myself, they were brought to my attention by others and that’s what made it harder.
There was a point in time when I was sick of worrying about what clothes would accentuate a part of my body I was conscious about. I wanted to feel comfortable in all clothing, in myself. I decided now was the time to feel good about myself because my self-consciousness took away opportunities from me already.
I began by adding a piece of clothing I wouldn’t usually wear to my wardrobe and I wore it out a lot. What helped me from being so self-conscious was liking the color and style of clothing. I felt comfortable in knowing the tight-sleeved shirt I was wearing was black, which is a safe color I feel confident in. The shirt I wore had a small white flower on the front and it ultimately went with everything I had in my closet, so I had more incentive to wear it! I would find tank tops that I liked but would have been too self-conscious to wear beforehand. I would then pair it with a flannel, jacket, or hoodie so if I ever got too self-conscious, I could cover up. But ultimately, I had grown used to the feeling and the look of this clothing that I couldn’t wear before.
I started looking less at what I didn’t like in the mirror and more at what I found beautiful in myself. I had decided to love myself and my body fully. It’s not a hundred percent there yet, but it is a hundred percent better than what it was.
I am not my biggest critic.
I am not as self-conscious.
I am filled with self-love.
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