To Those Who Feel Nothing Yet Everything All At Once

Being diagnosed with both depression and anxiety myself I know the feeling of nothing, but everything simultaneously. 

To those without these mental illnesses, they may ask how is that possible? It makes no sense, right? I know. When you start going into a slump, as I call it. It can feel impossible to find the motivation to do anything. To do household tasks such as cleaning, laundry, it can be hard to do your homework or professional work. These are things that are normalized and can be easier to understand by those who don’t really understand mental illness. But that’s not all that you lose motivation to do. Depression can cause this extreme exhaustion that makes it harder to get out of bed, eat, shower, brush your hair, etc. These are the symptoms of mental illness that are seen as laziness and a lack of self-discipline more often than not. Depression can become so severe that you feel nothing at all, a numbness overwhelms you. You lose interest in the things and activities that used to make you feel something, like joy, or contentment. 

You lose all wanting to do anything. You lose the passion you once had and go about your everyday life numb. That is if you can get out of bed to do so. 

Not only are you exhausted and numb, but you can feel overwhelmingly stressed and anxious. You may feel nothing, but you’re also feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. You know you need to get out of bed, to get ready, to get your work done. But you have no motivation and so it worries you more and you’re overwhelmed with anxious worries. You know you have to brush your teeth, you have to get dressed, you have to gather the strength and motivation to go about your everyday life. Yet, you can’t gather the will to do so, so here you are worried and stressed in the midst of your depression caused slump. 

This added pressure of anxiety can only cause you to feel a deeper sense of hopelessness and so the slump of which you’ve fallen into becomes a darker and bigger hole. You’re stuck.

To those feeling nothing, yet everything all at once, take your time. You know yourself better than anyone else… Start to acknowledge what you’re feeling and the possible cause. Being emotionally intelligent in what you are feeling helps make the “fall” easier. You understand that it is happening, and you may not be able to stop it from happening. But you can prepare and remind yourself that it is temporary no matter how dark it gets. And don’t be ashamed that you’ve “fallen” into a slump, there may never be a reason, but you will get out. 

• anxiety
• february
• mental health
• Winona