Hey besties, we are halfway through the semester, and I know we all feel a certain way with midterms and interim grades. I know for me I have been ready for graduation since I stepped foot on campus for my junior year. My days are just filled with going to class, doing homework, and then getting ready to start it all over again the next day. I don’t know if this is early senioritis or what but, I haven’t lived, laughed, or loved since August.
Even though we are now in October I still feel like I am on summer break, and this is just my life on autopilot. This past summer I got a taste of a somewhat Covid-less summer and I thought “I can get use to this” and I did. So now to be back in school where I do everything myself academically and personally it is taking a toll. Running to the store to get groceries right before my lecture, after making sure I still have time for myself, while also scheduling appointments, and working gets to be too much. Most days I want to just lay down and look at the ceiling asking my subconscious “Are we happy?” The answer really has not changed in the past few months with “I’m doing okay.” Ever since I found out that I could graduate early everything feels optional, homework, quizzes, and even tests. I know that I can’t quit just yet, but just know the thought is there BAD. The motivation just isn’t there for me anymore, I thrive from academic validation, but I can feel that slowly not being enough for me like it use to.
I try not to let myself get too consumed in school and realize that I am more than a student. What has helped me is taking time to do things I enjoy, like crocheting, watching movies, and painting. Without this time, I feel as if I would be doing worse off in school if I spent all my time worrying about school. What I do is on the weekends is try and do all my work for the week or at least the first part of it so that I can come from class and do something I like or sit around if I please. I used to take 7 classes a semester and it wore me out, last fall I was either in class or on the computer. I would literally go outside and set a timer to give myself some free time then go right back in to do work. Now I am older and therefore wiser I know better. These days, my life is more under control I feel like I’ve set up myself up to where I know how to balance doing work and having free time. I have laughed a little but working on living and loving while also getting this degree. Balance is key even if it might tip a little more in one direction sometimes.