Growing up, I never had a relationship with my dad; he was constantly working, managing his businesses and never had an interest in spending time with my sister or I. While growing up, and seeing how my friends had a father–daughter relationship always made me wish to have that type of connection as well.
As I got older, nothing changed between my dad and me. Actually, our non–existent relationship got even worse. As I became involved with sports and activities in school, growing into who I am, my dad still did not show any interest, support or encouragement. You could say our relationship involved him supporting me financially and nothing else.
We had no conversation or interaction with one another and I always hoped one day that would change, but sadly, it did not.
I always wanted that acceptance from him, feeling that I was making him proud, and that he wanted to be involved in my life. Accomplishing so much in sports and school, I always hoped that I was making him proud, and he would have been interested in all that I was striving in. Thankfully, my mom was always there for my sister and me emotionally and physically. She encouraged us, supported and loved us unconditionally even today nothing has changed. Although, I still wanted that from same affection from my father.
My parents later divorced while I was in high school and he completely shut me out of his new life. I began to feel as if I was not good enough for anything. If my own father did not care about me why would anyone else?
I let people treat me poorly, I let guys treat me with little respect, because that’s what I was used to.
If my own father did not have respect for me why would any guy have respect for me? I desperately wanted to feel love from a guy that I let past boyfriends treat me terribly just to feel that love I never got from my father. I also had low confidence, feeling that something was wrong with me to make my dad not love or care for me.
It was not until a few months ago, that I began to realize that I was not the reason my father never wanted a relationship with me. I was accomplishing so much without needing my father. After several years of always begin blamed, manipulated and hurt, it all made sense.
I am good enough.
I was succeeding in so much, creating a better life for myself without my father particpating in any of it. It wasn’t that I was not good enough for him, he was not good enough for me. After making large amounts of mistakes, my father was embarrassed of the person he was and could not have me or my sister a part of his life as a reminder that me and my sister are too good for him. I started realizing I am good enough and should not let my father affect how I feel about myself or let others treat me in anyway.
Today, my father and I still do not communicate, and I am okay with that. I am happy with my life even though he does not want to be a part of it, and I know that I am good enough.
Creating a better understanding that if someone does not want to be apart of your life, there isn’t anything you can do, it doesn’t mean you arent good enough, they are the ones missing out, not you.