Awards season is in full swing, collegiettes, and if you’re busy getting ready to start a new semester like most of us are, your schedule doesn’t allow much time for show viewing. However, after much deliberation, I decided to watch–mostly due to the fact that Rami Malek and his show Mr. Robot were nominated for a total of three awards. Once you add in The Martian, you’ve got the only nominees I remember recognizing. I’m totally unprepared and unfamiliar with the Golden Globes, and unwilling to start getting ready for class. Here are the thoughts I had while watching the golden globes!
Ricky Gervais is hosting?? He’s drinking at the podium??
Zendaya is slaying in the front row, as per usual.
Ricky…hush…get to the awards…I’m too young understand your jokes…and joking about the wage gap isn’t funny…
Alicia Vikander is a nominee?! I love her! (Lord, let her win…she didn’t. Congratulations to Kate Winslet, though!)
The Rock!!! He’s presenting Best Supporting Actress in a TV series….I only recognize Uzo Aduba, so I’m rooting for her to win…aaaand she didn’t. Congrats to Maura Tierney!
Two awards and then a commercial break. If the rest of this show goes like this, then I’m glad my first class tomorrow isn’t until two.
Best actress in TV series or musical…DEAN MUNSCH FROM SCREAM QUEENS IS NOMINATED LET’S GO DEAN MUNSCH (I hated her on the show but I’m willing to overlook that). But congratulations to Rachel Bloom on her first win!
So far I’m 0-3 for my picks winning….let’s hope my luck picks up.
Taraji! Best TV series comedy…I only recognize Orange Is the New Black and I’ve never even seen it? But I’m picking it to win….and Mozart won. 0-4.
While the cast of Mozart is accepting their award, let me just say that awards shows are so stressful. I’m afraid that my laptop will go flying when they announce the noms for best lead actor in a TV series (Rami’s award).
Viola’s dress makes her look like a radiant, couture space queen. Okay, she’s announcing the nominees for Best Motion Picture, Drama…oh they’re announcing them gradually throughout the show.
My TV screen just went black and my heart nearly stopped. I’m hoping it’s an NBC glitch and not a Jordan-screwed-up-installing-her-TV glitch.
Oh, boy. Ricky’s back. And apparently the guy behind some fancy film thing is speaking. (This is awkward. That was the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. I’m sorry, this is my first time watching these.)
Matt Damon is announcing the nomination of the film he starred in…that’s not usually how it’s done, is it? But The Martian was one of the only nominated works I’ve seen, so I’m hoping it wins Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy.
Orlando Bloom is in the next Pirates movie?! There’s another Pirates movie?! Anyway, he’s presenting Best Limited Series or TV Movie…Again, I’ve only seen one, and, again, it did not win. Congratulations to the cast and crew of Wolf Hall! (Especially you, Damian Lewis) I’m still 0-5 though.
Best Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie….OSCAR ISAAC IS NOMINATED????? Y’ALL THAT’S POE DAMERON COME ON POE……..OSCAR WON HE WON MY SLUMP IS OVER HE’S SO CUTE THIS IS HIS FIRST WIN!!!!!! 1-5!!!!!!
The cast of Spy is talking about their own nomination. I guess this is how it goes.
Tom Ford and Lady Gaga are presenting and Gaga looks. So. Good. Teach me your ways. They’re announcing the Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series…I didn’t know Damian Lewis was nominated for this too! So is Christian Slater from Mr. Robot, y’all my heart is torn CHRISTIAN WON OH MY GOD THAT’S THE FIRST WIN FOR MR. ROBOT!!!!! 2-5!
Lily James is presenting! She’s so gorgeous, my goodness. She and Jamie Foxx are presenting the award for Best Original Score…I have seen literally none of these. I’ll go ahead and count it as a loss. 2-6.
Eva and America look wonderful wow. They’re announcing Best Lead Actor for a Drama!!!!!! Oh my God, this is it.
Rami didn’t win. How did he not win. 2-7. (Jon Hamm won, by the way.)
Am I the only person who doesn’t think Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence are funny? Anyway…they’re talking about their own nominations.
Amy Adams is announcing winner for Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy…come on, Matt Damon…YES MATT aka, the only nominee whose movie I actually saw. 3-7.
Kate Hudson and some other guy are announcing the winner for Best Motion Picture, Animated…I’m torn between Inside Out and The Peanuts Movie, I’m going with Inside Out…and it won! 4-7!
Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt are talking about their nomination. The baby goose seems agitated. “I thought I was presenting alone.” He’s being so hilariously petty right now, bless him.
J.K. Simmons (who?) and Patricia Arquette (who?) are announcing Best Supporting Actor in a Movie…literally, who are these people? I only recognized Sylvester Stallone, but he won, so I’m 5-7.
I’m actually really concerned that I don’t know who most of these nominees are. Am I too young? Too uncultured??
Will Ferrell & Marky Mark (I’m sorry I couldn’t resist) just walked out in 2016 glasses. When will this trend die? But anyway, they’re presenting…I don’t know, they’ve been up there for five minutes and haven’t said yet! I think it’s Best Screenplay, and I’ve heard of none of them. 5-8.
Aw Supergirl and The Flash are presenting an award together, that’s cute. Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy…I know Aziz Ansari and Rob Lowe, but both only from Parks & Rec, and I know of Patrick Stewart but not as a comedic actor??? Gael Garcia Bernal won, and I did a project on him in high school Spanish class, so I’m counting this as a win for me. 6-8.
Helen Mirren and the sexiest Phantom of the Opera (Gerard Butler) are presenting Best Foreign Language Film…6-9. I don’t even need to know who the nominees are. (Son of Saul, a film from Hungary, won.)
Whoa, I forgot Ricky Gervais was even hosting. They bleep out so many of his jokes I don’t even know what he’s saying (but just between us, I don’t think I’m missing anything).
Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong are presenting for – wait they just had to lower the mic for Kevin oh my gosh – are presenting Best Actress for a Limited Series/TV Movie…come on, Lady Gaga…YAAAASSSSSSSS SHE WON aw she’s crying aw bless her heart! 7-9. Y’all this is so cute, she’s so shocked that she won and she was literally speechless when she got up to the mic.
Did anyone else notice Leo’s face when Gaga passed?
Katy Perry’s presenting something? I didn’t even know she was still relevant. She’s presenting for Best Original Song. I’m really hoping “Writing’s On the Wall” wins, that song is so lovely. AND IT DID YES!!!! 8-9.
What is Mel Gibson talking about? I just realized I left my makeup case at home. Oh, Mad Max Fury Road. I didn’t see that either.
Olivia Wilde and John Krasinski are presenting for the next award. Mr. Robot is up for it (Best TV Series, Drama) oh my god I’m so nervous.
MR. ROBOT WON OH MY GOD OH MY GOD Y’ALL I CAN’T DEAL
Portia looks so shocked and she and Carly look so radiant I’m going to cry I feel like a proud mother. Sam Esmail (the show’s producer and creator) just lowkey called out the HFPA for not giving Rami the award for Best Actor. I think my score is 9-10 now.
Aw, Tom Hanks is sick. He’s giving Denzel Washington an award, though, and it’s apparently a really big deal. (Sorry, I’m still recovering from MR. ROBOT WINNING and the shock of realizing the majority of my makeup is an hour away. #priorities)
CHRIS EVANS IS PRESENTING SORRY Y’ALL THE CAPS LOCK IS NOT GOING AWAY ANY TIME SOON
Oh he’s presenting something…it’s another nominee for the Best Motion Picture, Drama. And – get this – I haven’t seen it!
Ricky is so drunk? Why is someone who’s drunk being allowed to present? That’s so unprofessional?
Morgan Freeman is announcing the winner for Best Director, and I’ve only seen Ridley Scott’s film, so….nope, the director of The Revenant won. 9-11.
Kate Bosworth and Sophia Bush are announcing Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama, come on, Viola Davis! I’d be happy with Taraji winning too…and she did! She’s giving out cookies to people as she goes up to the stage, that’s so cute. 10-11.
Her character’s name is Cookie Lyon. I just got that.
I’m checking social media during the commercial breaks and apparently people think Jon Hamm won Best Actor in a Drama because this is Mad Men’s last season. What an interesting coincidence.
Michael Keaton, yet another unknown-to-me man, is announcing Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy. I kind of want Melissa McCarthy to win because I loved her character in Gilmore Girls (dated, yes, I know, but I haven’t seen anything else of hers). Jennifer Lawrence won because she’s #relatable. 10-12.
Maggie Gyllenhaal is announcing the next drama film nominee, which is Room. I’ve never even heard of this, but it looks very intense and tear-jerking based on the little snippet they showed.
Tobey Maguire? Really? But apparently the next Best Motion Picture, Drama nominee is The Revenant.
Jim Carrey. Your beard. Oh my God. But this is the award that The Martian is up for! AND IT WON!!!!!! 11-12. Wow, even the director is like “why is this considered a comedy movie?”
Eddie Redmayne is presenting, y’all, he’s so cute. He broke my heart in Les Mis. He’s giving the award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama…I’m rooting for Alicia Vikander once again…Brie Larson won for her performance in Room. 11-13, but her dress is so gorgeous I’m not even going to complain.
Julianne Moore’s dress, holy crap! She’s presenting the nominees for Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama. I want Eddie Redmayne to win, but Leonardo DiCaprio did! 11-14.
Harrison Ford is presenting the award for Best Motion Picture, Drama. I was wondering why Han Solo was here. I honestly don’t know which one is going to win, I’ve heard good things about at least two of these nominees…and the winner is The Revenant!
Congratulations to all of the nominees and winners!
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