For the record, whoever came up with the name for Winthrop’s wifi created the biggest oxymoron in existence. Winthrop Secure is without a doubt one of the most unsecure things in this world. But, no matter how much we hate it, we still have to put up with it anyways. As absurd as it might sound, our relationship with Winthrop Secure is a lot like the relationships we have with boys.
Here are a few notorious truths to show you how these two pains in the you-know-what’s have much more in common than you might think.
When you make a connection, it’s the best feeling in the world. Finding that perfect match is difficult. You have to be in the right place at the right time and sometimes, they’re the ones who find you. If you have trouble finding them, never fret because the best ones are always unexpected. When you finally find the one you’ve been searching for, your heart will be happy and overwhelmed with joy.
We like ‘em strong. Our idea of the perfect guy usually includes one with a smokin’ hot bod and likes to stay fit. Just like our wifi network, we want one with the stamina to keep running for hours.
They always keep you guessing. How long will it last? Are they going to stick around? Probably not long.
Don’t expect too much. Let’s be realistic. We can’t expect an entire campus network or a significant other to drop everything and everybody just to assist to our (sometimes) selfish needs. They’re here to support us, but they’re ultimately a blessing and privilege that can be taken away from us if we complain or abuse their purpose.
They’re more sensitive than they sell themselves to be. You might have to dig very, very, very deep, but there’s a glitch somewhere in all of them.
It’s nice to have back-up. If you’re not committed, there’s no use in spending too much time trying to handle their issues when they start to act up. When the primary network and your current guy aren’t cooperating with you, use Winthrop Guest to text the guy you met last Thursday night in Charlotte or a previous gameday in Cola. Both are only temporary, but it’ll do while your main setup gets itself in check.
They can save you money. Provided wifi means free internet and data usage. Going on a date means free dinner. Hey, we’re not freeloading or taking advantage of them. We’re being opportunists.
It seems like everyone is after the one you want. It never fails. It doesn’t seem fair, but they aren’t technically yours and its out of your control. If someone else’s connection with them is stronger than yours, you can either wait it out to see if their connection fails or try to reconnect. We can’t always get what we want.
They’re regulars with Netflix. There are two essentials that college students need wifi for: assignments and Netflix. After taking that midterm, you know you’re about to dive in to half a season of Grey’s Anatomy. Boys? They’re diving into someone’s DMs asking them to come over and “chill.” Which brings us to…
They play mind games. We all want what we can’t have. When there’s mixed signals, we’re left frustrated and wondering if we’re doing something wrong. What’s even worse is not knowing if the effort we put in is going to help make it work. Is it your end? Is it theirs? We may never know.
Sometimes you can make a better connection elsewhere. If there are too many problems, you don’t have to let them persist. Just because they’re readily available doesn’t always mean they’re what’s best for you. You don’t have to settle for something that doesn’t adequately suit your needs or bring you daily disappointment all because of their instability. Remember, it ain’t nothin’ to cut that [router] switch off.
They’re never going to remember important details. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Favorite foods. Your user name and login.
It’s all good until they drop you out of nowhere. Just when everything seems to be going good, BAM! We’re blindsided with the no-text-back or server crash. Like that assignment you spent the last three hours on, you’re left feeling incomplete and abandoned. But they don’t care. It’s no surprise. They’ve screwed you over time and time again, but you convince yourself with the faintest ounce of hope that this time will be different. It’s so hard not to go back to them, but eventually you’ll find something better to pick up what they shut down.
You can’t force it if it’s not there. There are times when a connection simply isn’t present at all. No matter how hard someone tries, you can’t make a connection if one of the receiving ends isn’t cooperating or gets the wrong signals. Misinterpreted signals can cause a network or relationship between two people to crash entirely. Whether it be guy BFFs or a broken router – it just isn’t going to work.
And when all else fails (which it usually does), just remember one thing… It’s not you, it’s them.