Inside my Broken Mind: Poems of a Broken Girl

When I was in the fourth grade, my parents got divorced. From there, my life became a battle of custody and seeing which parent could win the courts heart. I moved from home to home, was placed in public school for the first time, and found out that life was not so easy after all. My first signs of anxiety arose when I was in the fifth grade. I remember panicking in my classes and being escorted into the hallway to calm down. It only got worse. By the time I reached seventh grade, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The court forced me into therapy and later required my admittance into a hospital (as an outpatient). It was hell. I was broken and after all of that, I will never be the same. Here are a few poems from my broken mind.

Covered in Roses

I often forget

What the pills really do

How they mask

the signs of pain

inside my brain.

I get so used to the idea of 

normal

that when I no longer feel 

normal 

I question it all.

It’s hard knowing

that my sanity is based on doses

and that if I stop them

I’ll find myself dead and covered in 

Roses. 

Lol Just vibing

My life is slowly dying

But honestly I’m still smiling

So everything is fine

But deep down I’m lying

Everything is fun

But I’ve stopped trying

And Everyone is laughing

Until I start crying

Lol just vibing :)

the girl you saw

Questions keep swirling in my head

I feel like I’m drowning in my dread

Is this God or is this Fate

Please tell me I can fix this

It’s not too late

When I die

I hope to be 

The girl you saw

Inside me

If I break

Before I leave

And fall apart

On your sleeve

I hope you know

I was trying

I pray

 you aren’t crying

Aging

When did I agree

This would be me?

When did I say

This is my day?

Where did I go

So long ago?

How did I age

Into this cage?

leave me be

Please let me die

Before I wake

And leave my soul behind

To take

Kill me in your 

Breathe

I beg

Keep me until 

Another day I dread

Force my bones 

To shatter

And feel me no longer

Matter

For if I die

Before you see

Leave me be

Just leave me be

As I age, I grow and as I grow, I became stronger. I can’t say I am always doing well or that my pains have decreased. I can however say that I have learned to be stronger around the pain. I have found people who support and love me. I have admitted I needed help and I work everyday to remind myself that I am worth something. My history will always be a part of me. I will always be that girl who was crying in the hallway as a fifth grader. Maybe we are not the same and maybe you have not felt this type of pain but through it all, despite what you are going through, someone cares and has been there too. I never thought I would live past 15 and now here I am, 5 years later and amazed at my life. You have that strength too. Keep going beautiful.

• broken
• poems