College is essentially purgatory; let me explain.
Not yet an adult, but you’re not a kid anymore. A time where you’re broke, moving away from home, and learning what it’s like to be a functional member of society. Now that sounds depressing, but college is a beautiful time, and the perfect time for self-growth. Identity is one of those words that will either make you cringe, or make you laugh. Here’s what I mean:
Your identity can be a lot of different things. Identity formation brings up the question of “Who am I?” which is a scary question for anyone to answer. Identity formation is a period of time that everyone will go through in high school. However, when you get to college, your identity is bound to change. It’s inevitable, but don’t let the process scare you.
I am not the same person I was a year ago, but maybe that’s because a year ago, I was in a different stage of my life. I told my therapist one day that I didn’t want to lose who I was when I went to college. I liked who I was and I didn’t want to lose sight of those parts of myself. She asked me two questions; why do you think you’ll change, and what parts are you afraid of losing? I didn’t have an answer for her, though I could say this: I was afraid not necessarily of losing who I was, but of who I could become. I don’t know why I would be afraid of change, but then I realized that everyone is afraid of change in one shape or form. That fear of my inner change is what was holding me back.
Here’s what I’ve learned: I thought I knew but I couldn’t answer the question “who do you want to be?” So what did I do? I figured it out, I made a list of traits that would shape me into the girl I wanted to be so badly. I wanted to be kinder, more assertive, and be “that girl.” We all know “that girl,” she’s the one who has it all together. She goes to the gym, eats a lot of kale, and is so pretty it makes you mad. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t that girl, and it made me mad that I couldn’t be her. I feel as if that’s relatable, because we all want to be that girl. I tried going to the gym, and I hated it, I hate kale and I felt as if I didn’t have the look of “that girl.” It discouraged me and set me back in my identity formation.
It was very discouraging, and after talking to some of my friends about it they said the same thing. Finding your identity can be hard, it’s not an easy journey, but I will say, stay on that path. Find out who you want to be. I made a list of 20 traits I wanted to develop / be more efficient in. I worked on taking care of my body and mind and with that, I started being able to develop more of my identity. I learned that I all of the things I wanted to be were things that I already had inside of me. I learned that I’m a fun person to hang out with, so then I didn’t mind being alone as much. I found my creative outlet (which was Her Campus) and was able to express myself that way. I found myself, without trying to. I wish I had better advice than that, but I will say this.
Keep it up girl. Don’t give up on yourself. She’s inside of you waiting for you to find her. Your identity is whatever you want it to be, and it doesn’t fit in a template. We all want to be “that girl” that has it all together and doesn’t struggle. Guess what? She does struggle! We all do, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it should be celebrated! Embrace every part of yourself, whether it’s the part that cries during a rom-com, or the part of you that laughs too loud in the wrong places.
In honor of Women’s history month (I know it was last month but still), I challenge all of my women out there to express themselves in the most unapologetic way. Let your inner child out, or let you inner gremlin out. Go find yourself! I hear she’s really nice, and I’d love to meet her too!