Before coming to college, I’m sure all of us weren’t expecting it to be the same as the movie portrayals. I mean, it isn’t like they were very accurate. But personally, that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t hoping for a big change, a fresh start. College was going to be MY time- a place where I could be whoever I wanted to be, do everything I wanted to do, and meet as many people as possible. I always felt held back in high school. I thought, “I’ll for sure peak in college. I’m meant for bigger and better things.” And then… freshman year started. Then sophomore year. In the blink of an eye, I became a junior and I feel as though I have accomplished nothing.
I still have no idea what my major means or what I plan to do with it. Don’t even get me started on the fact that I have no field experience or internships yet. I’ve joined a couple of clubs here and there, but I don’t know if I’ve really made a big impact in them. While I’ve made some of the best friends I’ve ever had, I met them all early on in my college career. I’ve completely forgotten how to make friends outside of the group I already have, and my anxiety and introverted nature doesn’t exactly help me out. Being on a smaller campus has its benefits, but once everyone has established their friend groups, it can feel isolating as well. The ‘broke college student’ trope is real and I’m living it; how am I supposed to go out, meet new people, and live my best life when I’m drowning in student debt and grocery shopping trips? COVID-19 and the transition to all online to all in-person again has not been beneficial to anyone’s mental health or social life either.
Don’t get me wrong- I’ve had some great moments with some great people in college. All of my classes, even the Gen Eds, have been interesting and relevant. My professors have been some of the best teachers and life coaches I’ve ever had. Most of the things that have gone wrong during my college years have either been completely out of my control or completely my fault. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’ve wasted so much time navigating through all of these issues. My heart is no longer where I am at and longs for next semester when I will hopefully be studying abroad, or next year when I will finally be in field placement and maybe actually knowing how to do my job. I spend my time daydreaming about when I graduate and move to a whole new city so I can get yet another fresh start. I’ve been struggling for months thinking that I’m the only one unhappy with my college experience. But it turns out that I’m not alone in feeling this way, and neither are you.
College is supposed to be the time to build a strong social life, gain independence, and dive into your area of interest through your core courses and internships. Yet, everyone that I spoke to also feel unfulfilled by their college life. COVID-19 and all of the mandates that came with it prevented many students from having stable emotional connections with others. Those who transferred in after attending community college felt behind from their other friends since they were starting the ‘traditional college experience’ later on. Worries about whether students chose the right major, made good friends, or joined clubs that would benefit them have kept them from enjoying college. There were even concerns about whether they chose the right college; seeing social media posts from those at larger schools with more options only reinforces the idea that maybe their time and money has been wasted where they’re at. Even though this fear of wasted time and opportunities seems to be a universal struggle among college students, it’s not often talked about. Maybe we’re all too afraid to admit we’re unsatisfied because of the thousands of dollars we pay to be able to have a college experience.
So…what now? Do we just regret our past choices and power through the rest of college? Do we continue to worry about whether what we’re doing or who we’re hanging out with is contributing to our idea of the college experience? Or do we simply keep daydreaming about the future, waiting for the right moment to finally seize the day because things will naturally be different then? That’s at least what I keep telling myself. “When I graduate, I’ll be happier with my major because I’ll finally know what I’m doing.” “When I’m studying abroad, I’ll be able to reinvent myself and make new friends.” “When I’m more confident and less anxious, I’ll be more outgoing and try new things.” But, the truth is, I’ll keep waiting my whole life to be happy if I think this way. I say that we should reclaim our college years NOW. No matter what has already happened in college, what decisions you’ve already made, what friends you are already close to, or what you’ve already made of yourself, you deserve change if that is what will make you happy. You deserve to let go of your regrets and ‘wasted time’ if it will set you free. Text that person from class you’ve been wanting to talk to for months but haven’t because you don’t want to bother them. You’ll never know what they’ll say until you try. Ask that one club member who you think you’d be good friends with to grab coffee; they may be thinking the same way you are. Go out in that outfit you’ve been holding onto but won’t wear because the hard truth is, sometimes confidence isn’t what we need to wear what we want; it’s courage and spontaneity. If you’re feeling totally unprepared for your future job, start small with some basic research, and work your way up to talking to your professors to even taking on volunteer opportunities and summer internships. If your major just isn’t for you, acknowledge it, accept it, and work around it. Give yourself some grace for not knowing what you needed at that time, and that goes for all aspects of your college experience as well.
I’m tired of feeling like I’ve wasted my time. I’m tired of regretting things that I can’t change. I’m tired of letting my anxieties, my insecurities, and my self doubt get in the way of meeting new people or trying new things. Most of all, I’m tired of thinking that I’m alone in these thoughts when the reality is, everyone is just as nervous and scared as I am. I’m ready to let go and accept that my college years so far weren’t everything I hoped and dreamed they would be, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t get better. I’m ready to reclaim my time, my energy, and my happiness by taking chances now instead of only waiting for a better version of myself to do it. Are you?