Have you ever felt like there was something or someone that you wanted to desperately hold on to so bad regardless if the situation has been beneficial to you or not? There’s a nagging feeling inside that you absolutely need for this one thing to work or else it would feel like everything will crumble down. I’m not an expert, but I’ve dealt with multiple situations like these that I handled poorly.
It’s very common to want to attach ourselves and our sense of happiness to certain people or things in our life. We find comfort in knowing that whatever or whomever it is will always be around to coddle us in the moment we need them most. Subconsciously, we define a set of expectations for how things are supposed to go and when they don’t meet those expectations we want to lash out. Feeling emotional will never be a bad thing, but this mindset can lead to irrationally acting on emotion without taking the time to properly evaluate a situation for what it was. Unhealthy attachments usually cause us to have a clouded perspective.
The key way I know that it’s time to detach from something is by asking myself one simple question; What am I gaining out of still dealing with this situation? If it can’t be easily answered, I know it’s time to remove myself.
Detachment is not a method of dissociation in attempts to not feel discouraging emotion, rather it is a way to disconnect from a potential outcome of a situation in order to focus on the present and the reality of a connection or relationship. It is looking objectively at a situation and learning how to let go when something isn’t serving you anymore. Objective thinking allows us to evaluate details about people or situations that we may miss when thinking subjectively and leading with emotion. It is liberating in a sense that we are able to free ourselves from the bounds of thinking we need to stay complicit in something or with someone.
Some tips that have helped me with learning detachment include:
- Giving yourself space and time to think before reacting.
- Set and maintain boundaries away from the situation that allow you to think introspectively.
- Listen to your emotional needs and find an outlet to express them whether that be through talking to someone else or journaling.
- Be patient with yourself; don’t expect overnight results.
- Prioritize yourself over others.
At the end of the day, we’re all human and we will never be perfect nor will life always go how we expect it. But I find comfort when I know I can identify when it’s time to let go or break down an emotional attachment. It makes my life so much easier, and I will always recommend these methods to anyone.