Gosh, are you ever tired of hearing feminists talk about “equal rights” this and “equal rights” that? I know I sure am. It’s like everything is political nowadays and people can’t even joke around anymore without being “canceled” or worse. I wish we could go back to the way things used to be, when people didn’t complain so much. But, if you’re like me, I’ve got some strategies that you can use to make sure feminists calm down and stop arguing with you. You know you’re right, so they should, too. These are just a few fool-proof ways to make sure those feminists understand just how ridiculous they sound!
1. Remind them women already have rights
When feminists start rambling on about wanting equal rights for women, I love to remind them about all of the rights that women already have. They can vote, they’re allowed to do the same jobs as men, and they can even work in the government. What more do they want? Sure, not every woman in the world has these rights, but they can’t expect everyone to be equal… can they? And I mean, if we’re talking about reproductive rights, surely women can’t be trusted to make some of those decisions on their own. Just because it’s their body doesn’t mean they should decide what happens with it. Let them vote and have their jobs here in America, but that’s more than enough.
2. Explain that they’re overreacting
Sometimes, to calm them down, let them know that their emotions are getting the best of them (bonus points if you throw in the word “hysterical”). Let them know that they are simply overreacting and that the situation really isn’t as serious as they are making it out to be. Women, and especially feminists, tend to have a few more hormones than the average person which might make them overly emotional and, quite frankly, irrational. Even if they mean to be logical, you can’t understand them because they are just too passionate about their argument. Once you tell them this, they’ll be sure to reevaluate their approach. Believe me, I’ve talked to plenty of women and it always works.
3. Call them names like ‘feminazi’ or ‘snowflake’
If for some reason the feminist is still talking, try to call them names so they understand how you perceive them. My personal favorites are “feminazi” for the extremists and “snowflake” for the ones who are really sensitive. You might worry that these names will make the situation worse, but push that thought out of your mind. No matter what happens next, they really need to know how little you respect them. They’ll probably change once they know because they want you to respect them. They really, genuinely care what you think of them.
4. Tell them You don’t care about politics
As they are attempting to get you on their “side,” let them know that you really just don’t follow politics and don’t care about what they’re saying. You can’t be on one side or the other because it doesn’t matter to you. The only thing you should worry about is what happens to you, don’t worry about what happens to other people. Try to save this one for the middle of the conversation, after they’ve gotten worked up, so that they know that nothing they said matters to you at all. This might anger them, but at least they’ll understand that they shouldn’t have wasted their time on you. Be as apathetic as possible no matter how passionate they are.
5. Teach them That Other People Have Problems, too
Women aren’t the only ones with problems—men have problems too, you know. Like I’ve already established, women have enough equality, so we shouldn’t even be talking about them anymore. If anything, men are the ones under attack right now because feminists just keep making them into the enemies. At this rate, men won’t have any power at all! Feminists need to know that they are being selfish if they think women’s problems are most important. Even if they try to convince you that they’re fighting for everyone to be treated equally, and if they throw around terms like “inclusion” or “intersectionality,” don’t listen to them. You are clearly more intelligent than them, so educate them about the rest of the world’s problems.
*Author’s note: This article is entirely satire and should not be taken literally under any circumstance. I have tracked a pattern of ignorance in anti-feminists regarding what feminists believe in, who can be a feminist, and why feminism is important. I have heard iterations of these “strategies” used time and again to dismiss feminist arguments and I wrote this article to share how anti-feminists sound from my experience.