With my 22nd birthday approaching, here are some things I’ve learned (Part Two)
Here is part two of my series “22 Things I Learned (In College) Before Turning 22”. Check out part one on my profile for tips #1-#11
12. Life is Not College
Everyone says college is the best part of your life and I did not believe them. I wanted my entire life to be meaningful and I did not want to peak in college. I understand now that it is not what they meant. They meant that college is such a unique time. I get to live with my friends in an apartment, go to classes that are interesting to me, live in a cool city and explore my identity. This is a special phase of life that is so different from the “real world.” I want to savor this before I am thrust into the corporate world. I want to cook dinner with my roommates and jump into the lake as often as I can before I have bigger responsibilities.
13. Your Situationship is Not The Love of Your Life
Here is the cold, hard truth: that frat boy that you met at the bar is (most likely) NOT the love of your life. Do not settle for someone because they make you feel special 5% of the time. Know your worth, listen to your friends and remember that there are so many people out there who can love you the way you deserve. You will probably not find the love of your life in college and do not feel pressured to. Everyone has their own timeline and most people date around before finding their person. Do not settle for a situationship unless that is what you are looking for. If they are not willing to put a label, they probably do not like you as much as you like them.
14. The People You Hang Out With Influence Your Behavior
My mom used to tell me all the time growing up that the people you surround yourself with influence your behavior. I did not listen because I believed I had a strong enough sense of self that I could not be swayed by others. This is not true. If you hang out with people who complain all the time, you will find yourself complaining all the time without even realizing it. If you hang out with people who party all the time, you will probably party more. The people you surround yourself with become a representation of you and rub off on you without even realizing it. Surround yourself with people who make you a better person. If you are the funniest, nicest, smartest, etc. person in the room, you are probably in the wrong room. You should be surrounding yourself with people who better you, not people who you think you are better than.
15. Social Media is Not Real
We are constantly being told this and I think everyone knows this inherently, but it is hard to actually realize. We are surrounded by messages on social media telling us that we are not enough: not thin enough, not successful enough and not creative enough. Sometimes you just have to turn off your phone and realize that life is not filters and Facetune and Coachella. Nobody is posting their failures, and if they are, they are still curated to create an idealized perception of oneself. I love social media and I do not see myself deleting it permanently, but it is important to step away sometimes and put things into perspective.
16. It is Important to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
I have always been someone who likes to be surrounded by others and have a hard time doing things alone. I refused to eat alone at the dining hall freshman year and would not go to an activity unless I had a friend going. My goal in college was to get out of my comfort zone and I accomplished that by working on being more independent. I started small by going to restaurants alone and now I have gone to concerts alone, traveled alone and studied abroad for a semester in Sweden without knowing anyone. I love spending time with myself and getting to know myself. None of that would have happened if I did not leave my comfort zone.
17. Forgiveness is Easy, Forgetting is Harder
This is something I grappled with for a long time. Taylor Swift has a lyric “I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put them” and I have always related to it. I can forgive people but I realized that I always keep things in the back of my mind. I will see someone in the street that has wronged me in the past and I get mad all over again, even though they are not in my life anymore. It is miserable to walk around being mad at everyone that has ever wronged you. Here’s the thing: you do not have to forgive. If you do forgive, you do not have to forget. The important thing is to not let it consume you or to let bitterness change you. Do not let someone who took advantage of your kindness stop you from being kind again. Do not let heartbreak stop you from falling again. Forgiving is the easy part, and forgetting is the hard part– but the most freeing.
18. The Importance of Love Languages
Love languages are something that has always been interesting to me. I always saw love languages as something that only relates to romantic relationships. I realized that love languages are important in every relationship from romantic ones to friendships. It is important to communicate your love language to others so they know how to treat you and what you need in your relationships. It is also important to consider other people’s love languages when communicating with them. My close friend has a love language of quality time, so I make sure I try to schedule more in-person hangouts with her. I have a love language of words of affirmation, so I like it when my loved ones give me reassurance through language. Love languages need to be considered for strong relationships. Love languages can also change from relationship to relationship depending on the type of relationship and the person. Communicating these can help strengthen relationships.
19. You Do Not Have to Share Your Life With Everyone
Not everyone deserves the privilege of knowing you. I have always prided myself on being an open book. I like to share details about my life and be open with others because I think that helps create meaningful relationships. Not everyone deserves this from me. Some things are better when they are private and kept to myself. People can also twist your words and use your shared experiences against you or spread them to others. Being a private person isn’t a bad thing and boundaries are important- nobody likes someone who is constantly oversharing in inappropriate situations. Knowing someone deeply and meaningfully is a privilege and people should earn that right.
20. Being a Hater is Fun, But Being a Hateful Person Is Not
My friends and I enjoy “being a hater” sometimes. We like to complain and analyze situations that we experience. A little gossip can be fun and bond people, however, there is a limit. If you are always complaining and ranting, it can be emotionally draining to others. Being a hateful person is not fun or quirky. Nobody wants to be around someone who drains the energy out of the room. Being a hater can be fun, but do not be that person who kills the vibe. It is fun to love people and enjoy your life, do not spend all of your time being miserable and making the people around you miserable too.
21. Be Excited About Things!
Simple enough: be excited about things! Share what you love with others and find things you are passionate about. I remember going to an amusement park and being really excited because I love rollercoasters. I had been looking forward to this trip for months. One of my friends looked at me the second we walked in and said “Calm down, it’s just a park.” I felt so dejected that day because I felt like I was being “too much” and that I was wrong to be excited. I’ve now learned that it is cool to have hobbies and interests. It is cool to share what you are passionate about and what makes you happy. I am going to a Taylor Swift concert in June and I have had so much fun being excited about it. I bought new outfits, chatted with my friends about the show and listened to her music in preparation. It is fun to be excited!
22. Do Not be Afraid to be Outspoken About Things You Care About
I spent a long time finding my voice and forming opinions about things. I have done research on things I care about and found causes I want to fight for. Do not be afraid to share your opinions and be outspoken. It is cool to care about things. Post on your Instagram story about a cause you believe in, attend a protest, volunteer at an organization and however you feel like sharing your opinions. Your voice matters and you should not be scared to use it, even if it may upset people.
I have learned a lot in my four years of college and even more throughout my entire life. I am grateful for every experience I have had as they taught me the life lessons that made me who I am today. I am excited about the future and to learn even more about life and myself. I may not agree with all of these things in the future, but it is fun to see what I think and believe at this stage of my life, and hope it can help people with their journeys too.