Scenario: You and your girls are at the bar. It’s getting to be that time of the night where everyone has either coupled off or gone home with their one true love, Qdoba. As the bartender calls last call, a super drunk guy approaches you and very boldly slurs something along the lines of what are you plans for the rest of the night? If you’re really not feeling it, this is the time when we all turn to some go-to hook-up escape plans.
1. Run away.
This is probably the most common avoidance strategy and my personal favorite. Ohmygosh I think I see my friend over there! **shuffle run away and don’t look back**
2. Start speaking in a different language.
Unfortunately, this is not foolproof unless you make up your own language. At a large university like ours, there is a very good chance that the person you’re talking to could actually speak the language you choose. Be creative.
3. I have a boyfriend/I’m engaged.
This is when going out with guy friends comes in handy. Being your fake boyfriend in a time of need is in the job description. If you tell a guy that you’re engaged and he still tries to hit on you, refer to #1.
4. I’m a lesbian.
I am a very firm believer that if the I have a boyfriend excuse doesn’t work, this is the next go-to. There is a good possibility that the guy will then ask you and your stand-in girlfriend to prove your love and make out, but that is a whole different story.
5. The face.
When in doubt, flash one of these babies and hopefully he will be the one running away. Shout-out to Jenna Marbles for this gem.
There are undoubtedly so many more to add to this list, but I’d say these are the most commonly used. If there are any of these you have yet to try, I challenge you to use them next weekend. As an added bonus, and an absolute last resort, the Velociraptor: