Every year, I see the same types of internet posts pop up about one month into the fall semester. These posts are usually published anonymously by students or by parents concerned for their students, and they all center around a key factor: feeling lonely on the UW-Madison campus. This is also one of the most common complaints I’ve heard as a house fellow. For some, it takes a bit more work to find your place on campus — and that’s okay! You just have to set the right expectations and stick with it. Read on for five tips for combating loneliness:
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1. Challenge your perceptions
Here’s the thing: when you’re feeling lonely, you will feel that no one else is as lonely as you are. Everyone seems to live a perfect life alongside their perfect little friend group — this perception, however, is simply and objectively untrue. No person has as perfect a life, even though social media and outward appearances sometimes make it seem that way. Don’t be afraid to take a break from social media if you need to. This may be the best way to connect with people in the real world and to avoid the negative perceptions that Facebook and Instagram can create.
2. Be honest with someone on campus about your feelings
Roommates and House Fellows are great options. There are multiple purposes to this: you get to vent, the person will probably help you continue to challenge your perceptions, and they will hopefully offer to help! Sometimes, a simple invitation to dinner can open doors to new friendships. Remember that others can’t help if they don’t know how you feel!
3. Have the right expectations
Loneliness results from a lack of emotional connection, not a lack of some specific amount of friends. When trying to overcome loneliness, don’t simply surround yourself with people. Focus on making strong connections with one or two people at a time. From there, you can start branching out.
4. Take time for yourself and your passions
While the solutions to loneliness may seem to lie in spending more time with others, there is something to be said for learning to spend time alone without feeling lonely. As Rupi Kaur said, “Loneliness is a sign that you are in desperate need of yourself.” When I’m feeling lonely, I delve into my writing, I sing happy songs that I love, or I spend time on DIY manicures and spa treatments. Find your passions and spend time on building them — college is perfect for that.
5. Find people who share your passions
Once you feel secure in knowing what you, personally, love to do, you should find others who love it too. UW-Madison has over 900 student organizations; so if you can rustle up the courage to walk into that org meeting, introduce yourself to three people and invite one to coffee, I promise you will start to feel more connected to campus.
6. Give it time
It takes time to build relationships and to work on our own insecurities. Please, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself props for things like introducing yourself to a new person or spending an hour on self-love. Recognize small successes; and soon, you will begin to find your place.
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Lonliness can really make you feel like a fish out of water, especially if you’ve had a solid group of friends growing up — know that this is normal. Many, many other students feel this way. It’s going to get better, I promise. Keep on smiling, keep on being kind and keep on trying.