Sometimes looking at the bright side is blinding
As a society, we tend to value positivity over all else, always aiming to find the bright side of a situation. And to be honest, I fall into this silver lining mindset quite often. Most of the time, I maintain a “glass half full” attitude. I try my best to be an optimistic gal, because I truly believe that putting negative energy out only brings negative energy in. But… nobody’s perfect. Sometimes you just have to be a hater. Here are 5 things that I love to hate.
1. Gum
Starting off strong with what I proclaim to be the most normalized, yet gross thing on the face of the earth: gum. “But Ruby,” you wonder, “how is gum gross? It gives me fresh breath after I eat!” Imagine, if you will, a sticky glob (that somehow never disintegrates) getting mashed up with the spit in your mouth for an hour and a half. How does it sound now? I hate the sound people make when they chew it obnoxiously, I hate the smell of mint gum mixed with bad breath and I hate that when people spit it out on the sidewalk, it makes those gross little black spots on the concrete. I haven’t had gum since I was 9 years old, and I don’t intend on breaking that streak anytime soon.
2. The Oxford comma
For anyone who doesn’t know, the Oxford comma is the comma between the penultimate item in a list and the word “and” or “or” that separates the final two items in the list. For example: “I love cats, dogs, and birds” is a sentence which utilizes the Oxford comma. On the other hand, “I didn’t like the pasta, salad or breadsticks” doesn’t include the Oxford comma. Now, *technically* neither way is grammatically incorrect. However, this is a polarizing article of punctuation. It’s rare to find someone who is neutral about its use. In my opinion, the Oxford comma clutters up a sentence. As long as an author sorts the items in their list comprehensively, the Oxford comma is simply unnecessary.
3. Bikes
Ah yes, the good old bike, beloved by all. An 8-year-old’s favorite outdoor pastime, an eco-friendly college student’s transportation of choice, a Tour de France champion’s prized possession… and my personal waking nightmare. There’s so much to hate about these wretched contraptions: the seats are uncomfortable, riding next to cars is scary, and not to mention helmet hair! I didn’t learn how to ride a bike until I was 10 years old, and I promptly hung up my helmet after that, because bikes? Not for me.
4. Squirrels
Everyone thinks squirrels are so cute. “Aw, their tails are so fluffy! Their paws are so teeny!” NO. Not to get hyperbolic or anything, but they’re conniving, deceitful and deplorable rodents whose life mission is to cause misery and destruction everywhere they go. The other day, a squirrel jumped out in front of me and I almost screamed, it was so terrifying. Unconvinced of the true terror of these deranged chipmunk cousins? Well, I bet you didn’t know that squirrels, on average, carry more diseases than rats. Think about that the next time you want to ooh and ahh over one of these scurrying menaces.
5. Hair
Now, no one particularly enjoys seeing a ball of hair in the shower drain or finding stray hair in their food at a restaurant. However, the level to which I’m disgusted by hair is possibly unparalleled. The hair on my own head is fine, but the second that strand leaves the follicle, it’s game over. Once, in high school, a clump of hair ended up on my backpack, and I was so revolted that I had to take a lap around the hallway before I could return to class. While I have no explanation for my deep-seated fear and hatred of hair, I can tell you that it’s by far the number one thing that I love to hate.
Often, after I share this laundry list of things I hate with others, their response is, “is there anything you love?!” And of course, the answer is yes. I love my family and friends, going outside, the color purple and chai tea lattes, among many, many other things. But I also love to hate. If you’re a fellow hater at heart, hopefully you’ve reached the end of this article feeling validated in all of your idiosyncratic dislikes. Because Taylor Swift truly said it best: “Haters gonna hate”.