Appeared To Be

A poem about accepting your sexuality 

A while back I wrote a poem about unrequited love. As sad as it was to relive my experience, it felt so liberating to share out to the world. So, I figured why not continue to share? This poem does not have fancy metaphors, rhymes or word-play. I recorded it to my voice memos in the middle of the night and wrote it out the next morning, which is the norm for me just writing it in one go. With that, I hope you enjoy it! 

Appeared to be

I sat in a city bar with two of my closest friends 

Looking around, barely an open space

I saw two boys, or at least as they appeared to be 

They sat close, talking and touching 

Looking at each other without a care in the world 

And I couldn’t help but wonder who they were, what their stories consisted of

Were they part of the world that I knew, or were they just beginning?

For the first time, I saw what I wanted to be 

What I craved and what I only saw on the movie screen

 It was right in front of me

I didn’t think that moment would ever come 

I always thought that it was a fairytale 

Only in books, music or the videos told 

I never saw it where I grew up in suburbia 

But to see those two boys, or as they appeared to be

Kiss and touch and caress each other so tenderly

 I couldn’t help but feel the swell of warmness and desire 

I felt seen and heard as a Queer as I am 

As I say so loudly for the world around me 

It was the first time I could actually say that this is me 

And this is who I want to be

Then I wondered what it would be like 

To sit in a city bar with a woman

Like the two boys, or at least as they appeared to be 

Would it be the same, as seen on the movie screen?

Would I, as a woman, with another woman

Be able to kiss and touch and caress her so tenderly?

Or would there be a space that must exist 

So the male gaze may not enter?

But then, as I sit in a city bar with two of my closest friends

I see the two boys, or at least as they appeared to be 

And I don’t care if I’d be an object 

Because at least I know that kind of love is real

Something that I’ve only seen on the movie screen

Right in front of me.