If nobody’s perfect, why should we have to be?
Last semester, I got my very first B. High school me would’ve lost her mind. College me took a deep breath and went on with her life. It’s not that I don’t care about my academic success anymore – I totally do! It’s just that I took the summer before my freshman year at the University of Wisconsin-Madison to set some goals centered around setting myself up for attainable success and forgiving myself when I don’t live up to my impossible standards. Trying this has done so much for my mental health and I hope some of my strategies can help you, too.
The first step was reminding myself that I was starting a new chapter of my life, and that means having new values. I spent all of high school working toward the valedictorian title, joining way too many clubs and putting myself in leadership positions just so I could ensure my acceptance into a school like Madison. Now that I’m here, I want to enjoy it. I’ve decided that my new idea of giving my best is giving a healthy amount that allows me to stay balanced and not feel completely overwhelmed. That means instead of spending my night staying up and studying until two in the morning, I set limits on the amount of work that I can do in one night. I listen to my body and I’ve learned to figure out when the best thing to do is get an extra hour of sleep.
The next part of the process was containing myself during the student organization fair. With hundreds of clubs to choose from, my overambitious self eagerly moved from table to table and listened to all the pitches the club representatives had to offer. It took everything in me to not sign up for a gazillion email lists, but after a thorough look through all of the options, I settled on three clubs that were not a huge commitment and were full of what seemed to be like-minded people. They ended up being the perfect way for me to meet new friends and take a break from school without creating too much extra work.
The final way I worked through my perfectionism was through accepting my failures and refusing to let them weigh me down. Now, when an exam doesn’t go the way I hope or a quiz gets the best of me, I let myself be disappointed for a moment before doing something to boost my mental health and my confidence. I close up my computer full of schoolwork and listen to a meditation, go to the gym or read a couple chapters of my book. This semester, I also have plans to try out journaling as a way to work through my thoughts and feelings during these vulnerable moments.
This journey of mine hasn’t been easy – there are still moments where I feel bursts of anxiety when I walk into a classroom for a quiz – but I’m making progress. I’ve finally convinced myself of what I didn’t believe all throughout high school – that my successes (or rather, lack thereof) in the things I do don’t determine my worth. And the same goes for you.