This past August in South Carolina, various creepy clowns lured children into the forest. Now, these sightings have crept across the country, including in Wisconsin. Universities have begun to form mobs to hunt down the so-called killer clowns, but what should you do if you do see one of these clowns?
1. Cry.
I was originally on the hunt to find a clown murderer, but I soon realized that I had no intention of actually seeing one. I was not prepared for that kind of stress.
2. Call the popo.
3. Blend into your surroundings.
If I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind, right? Please don’t hurt me.
4. Start bluffing.
If the clown spots you, you have to let him know that you’re not afraid— the monsters feed on fear. You could say something like, “my mom has a Taser,” or “I’m voting for Donald Trump.” Do whatever you need to do to scare him off.
5. Run away.
Admit it, this one is for the hopeless people. These clowns are too fit for our college lifestyles. But hey, you could always hunt with someone slower than you— the clown will get her/him first before they do you.
6. Charge him.
If you can’t escape the clown, turn around and run at him. Then you’ll be the one in control because it’s human nature to run away if something is chasing you (if they’re human, that is).
7. Reverse psychology.
If you’re a clown, I’m a clown.
We have no time to waste on fear, especially with Halloween around the corner. Stop clowning around and fight back.