One of our favorite things about being in college is following college sports obsessively. One of my childhood obsessions (and low key, I’m still obsessed) is Harry Potter. It’s March Madness, the Muggle version of the Quidditch World Cup. As we follow the Big 10 schools, keep these comparisons in mind.
1. Indiana University – Harry Potter
Indiana is a lot like Harry Potter. They’re a one hit wonder. Sure, Harry Potter killed Voldemort, but what else did he do? Indiana is good at basketball and that’s it.
2. University of Maryland – Dolores Umbridge
Maryland is new to the Big 10 and at first, they looked harmless. Similar to Dolores Umbridge, in her pink outfits, they look more innocent than they are. When they added Diamond Stone to the roster and he slammed Vito’s head to the floor, we saw their true colors. Stone should have been thrown out of the game, the same way Umbridge should have been thrown out of Hogwarts.
3. University of Michigan – Snape
Like Snape, Michigan has an over-inflated ego. Snape thinks he runs Hogwarts, but we all know Dumbledore is the ultimate authority. Snape is infamous for being mean to Harry and Michigan’s fans don’t have a great reputation, either.
4. Michigan State University – Draco Malfoy
I think we can all admit to having a little soft spot for Draco. Sure, he’s a little arrogant, but he’s pretty cute. Michigan State isn’t our favorite Big 10 school, but if they’re the only one to make it to the national championship, we’ll cheer for them. Bonus: their colors are green, like Slytherin.
5. Ohio State University – Voldemort
Voldemort, also known as “He Who Must Not Named”, is the ultimate villain. Everyone loves to hate Voldemort. There is no real redeeming quality in him….and that’s how we feel about Ohio State. There is no love-hate relationship. Just hatred and a good old-fashioned rivalry.
6. Penn State – Luna Lovegood
Luna Lovegood is the character in Harry Potter who is a little out there. She does her own thing throughout the series. Penn State is in the conference, but are they really? They’re kind of just in their own little world, same as Luna.
7. Rutgers – Lavender Brown
Lavender Brown is annoying and nonessential to the storyline in Harry Potter. Rutgers is the same way. Why are they in the division? They’re not contributing. They’re just kind of there.
8. University of Illinois-Urbana Champaign – Pansy Parkinson
Who’s Pansy Parkinson? Most people, except diehard HP fans, will ask that question. University of Illinois-Urbana Champaign elicits the same response. Who?
9. University of Iowa – Rita Skeeter
The word that comes to mind when we think of both Iowa and Rita Skeeter: annoying. Iowa kind of came out of nowhere this season for basketball, much to our chagrin. Rita Skeeter’s animagus is a beetle, so basically impossible to get rid of. Iowa is proving to be buglike in that regard. They won’t go away.
10. University of Minnesota – Helga Hufflepuff
Minnesota embodies the Hufflepuff house. Hufflepuff is the house that everyone likes to make fun of….sound familiar? The Hufflepuff house keeps trying to compete with Gryffindor, but it’s not a rivalry when the winner is the same every year. Hufflepuff could never win the axe back from Gryffindor.
11. University of Nebraska-Lincoln – Hagrid
They’re the Cornhuskers. They’re friendly. Like the Forbidden Forest, cornfields are “Enter At Your Own Risk.” Need I say more? 12. Northwestern – Hermione
Northwestern is not very well known for their athletic prowess. They are known for their competitive academics and their intelligent student body. Hermione is, without a doubt, the smartest and most resourceful character in HP, so she was the obvious choice for Northwestern. Hermione, like Northwestern, is inept at all athletics: she couldn’t even fly a broomstick.
13. Purdue – Nearly Headless Nick (Sir Nicholas De Mimsy-Porpington)
Purdue is fine. Nearly Headless Nick is fine when he floats through the hallways of Hogwarts. Not a particularly memorable character, but you recognize the name, though you don’t really have an opinion on him. Purdue is the same: good, bad, we don’t really care.
14. UW Madison – Ron Weasley
Ron Weasley loves to eat food. If Ron Weasley knew what cheese curds were, he would be all about them. Ron has his shining moments throughout the series, but he’s never the star. He puts forth a solid effort. UW-Madison has consistently good records and we’re a dependable team to root for, just like Ron.
College sports and Harry Potter are both in our hearts. When you’re shouting at the TV screen at a rival team, switch it up and scream “Avada Kedavra” just for fun.