If the Kardashians Went to UW

As one of the largest and highest-ranked public universities in the nation, the University of Wisconsin-Madison tends to bring in a lot of top-dogs. We are hard-working, talented and show our true Wisconsin colors in many different and spirited ways. We’re truly one of a kind. So what if an outsider came in? Someone who is also a top-dog? Someone like….the Kardashians?  

If Kim and her sisters were living as freshman at UW, you know they’d have to choose between the university’s nicest residence halls, Dejope and Smith. But with the social scene being on their radar and nature being far off of it, we think Smith would be their optimal choice. And think of the closet space! 

 What would they be majoring in? A communications field or something in the School of Human Ecology… whichever has the least math. 

Hopefully they find a roommate with patience and a quiet alarm clock. 

You won’t see them at the dining halls or ordering from the usual A8 China or Dominos. No, you’ll find them at the new Forage Kitchen probably trying to see if there’s anything that can compare to those mysterious salads they’re always eating.  

Getting around campus isn’t usually a toss up for us Badgers with our free bus passes, but we all know that the Kardashians would opt out for an Uber ride every time. 

Their party scene wouldn’t be at the gross frat houses or in someone’s filthy basement. 

But that doesn’t mean they’re against getting wild on the weekends. They’d most likely be spotted at Liquid with their select crowd, where the Lord Scott Disick would be throwing some kind of epic event. 

 Speaking of select crowd, you know Kanye is tagging along too. And we know just where he’ll be. At the podium after every athletic win, taking credit for it. 

On those gloomy Sunday mornings, after all of the weekend festivities have finished, what would the Kardashians do?  The streets lay littered with cups, bottles, the occasional vomit and sometimes someone still sleeping off their buzz on the curb. They won’t be able to stomach it like us true Wisconsinites can.  

It’s also pretty skeptical how peppy and school-spirited they would be, considering one of the longest standing and cherished traditions involves wrapping arms around a stranger and singing out of tune at most events.   But in some ways the Kardashians are just like us:  

They’d be just as worried about the freshman-fifteen. 

Power lectures would definitely get boring for them too. 

 They get a lot of grief. But in reality, they are driven and dedicated towards their passion and know what it takes to be successful. 

They’d fit into the liberal scene. 

 They know how to get lit. 

And let’s face it, we all have a little diva in us.