1. Acceptance letters would arrive by owl.
2. Freshmen would go across Lake Mendota on boats during SOAR.
3. Lakeshore would be Hufflepuff, Sellery and Witte would be Gryffindor, Chadbourne would be Ravenclaw, and Ogg and Smith would be Slytherin. My UW Housing is the Sorting Hat.
4. The dorms would allow pets like owls, toads, and cats.
5. Gordon would have floating candles.
6. House elves would make the dining hall food.
7. Wiscards would be called Wizcards.
8. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Jelly Beans would come in “cheese curd”, “Red Dog”, and “Waffle Wednesday”.
9. The 80 would be a Knight Bus.
10. Bo Ryan would be Dumbledore, and he would live in Bascom Hall.
11. Lori Berquam would be Professor McGonagall.
12. Sorority and fraternity formals would be like the Yule Ball.
13. Camp Randall would be the Quidditch Stadium.
14. The Men’s Basketball team would be the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and they would always win the Quidditch cup.
15. There would be a giant squid in Lake Mendota.
16. The staircases in College Library would move.
17. The Historical Society would have a restricted section.
18. We would take O.W.L.s instead of final exams.
19. The most common Patronus would be a badger.
20. We would take the Hogwarts Express home over break.
21. Professor Snape would teach organic chemistry, Hagrid would teach animal sciences, and Professor Sprout would teach environmental studies.
22. The tree outside Microbial Sciences would be a Whomping Willow.
23. The Chamber of Secrets would be beneath Science Hall.
24. The clock tower outside Social Sciences would play Hedwig’s Theme.
25. Melvin Gordon would be Harry Potter.
26. Frank Kaminsky would be Neville Longbottom, and always save the day.
27. The Big 10 Championship would be the Triwizard Tournament. Ohio State would be Durmstrang, and Minnesota would be Beauxbatons.
28. State Street would be Hogsmeade. In your third year, with the proper documentation, you can go there to have fun.
29. Students would celebrate on the weekends by drinking butterbeer.
30. Students would have the best four (to seven) years of their lives.
But hey, we already do that.