Spoiler alert: I lived
This summer, I had my first situationship and my first real heartbreak.
I’ve had relationships and “things” before, but this was the first time I got deeply involved with someone who I could have no future with. Our life paths were ultimately incompatible. When we met, I didn’t expect to get so emotionally invested, but alas, we can’t always control our emotions.
When we ended our relationship, I was distraught. I had never felt quite this way about anyone before. We clicked in that way you see in the movies. It was instant and magnetic. I was so happy with him, and everyone around me could see it. Nevertheless, how much I liked him and how good we were for each other ultimately didn’t matter. Neither of us could ask the other to compromise our futures, and thus, it ended. Here’s what I learned in the process.
- When you care deeply about someone, you are changed by them, and it’s okay to hang on to those changes.
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I think everyone you care about changes you and pushes you to be a better person. Being with him opened doors for what a relationship could look like for me, and showed me a more open and energetic version of myself. I don’t think that that version of me has to go away just because he’s not in my life anymore. When you lose someone you (dare I say it) love, you can still hold on to the way they impacted you.
- it doesn’t matter how long the relationship was, your pain is valid.
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Emotions are tough! Don’t invalidate your own by saying “but we never even dated!” Regardless of how long you were together, any relationship or friendship ending can be incredibly painful. Allow yourself to feel it.
- LEAN INTO YOURSELF.
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Since I stopped seeing him, I’ve really worked on building my dream life for myself. I have a new and exciting job, I started running again, and I’m reading more than ever. I feel confident in school and I am manifesting the post grad life I dreamed of as a girl. Recovering from the aftermath of our relationship has allowed me to become the best version of myself. My friendships are flourishing, and I feel more confident than ever before.
- what’s meant to be will be!
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Trust the process. If they’re meant to be in your life, they will be! At first, I really believed this was a right-person-wrong-time situation, but if he was the right person, it wouldn’t be the wrong time. I think the universe has a way of making things turn out the way they’re supposed to. It’s not worth it to get caught up in the what-ifs and forget to live in the present.
Sometimes, loss can force us to mature in a way nothing else can. I feel like a totally different person with new perspectives since this situationship. Sometimes it still hurts, but I remind myself of the things I’ve learned and the ways I’ve grown. I think I’ll miss him for a while, but I’ll always love the person I am today because of losing him. So for me, it’s all worth it.