Ever since I was little I’ve been ridiculed for having “too many emotions.” I always wondered what that meant. Did it mean that I really had numerically more emotions than my peers? Was it a bad thing?
It wasn’t until now that I’m a little older that I finally realize what it means. I feel a little deeper than most and a little more openly. And for my entire life I had been told to control everything I was feeling. It’s called wearing your heart on your sleeve, and there is nothing wrong with it.
When I was younger I used to be brought to tears about a lot of things. My dad told me I was unpredictable, and could turn from happy to sad with a flip of a switch. People didn’t understand it most of the time and treated me like I was weak.
Little did they know, it comes with way more positives than negative.
It means that I am passionate beyond control. Being highly emotional does not only effect my bad moods, but also all of my good ones. When I’m determined I am raged to get things done, and when I’m involved in something I don’t do it part-way. When I love, I love hard.
It means that I will always show you compassion. I see it in every one of my friendships. My desire to make sure you’re doing okay, and that you have everything you need will always be at the top of my list. I know what it’s like to be really low, and I know what it takes to get back up. My hand will always be reached out for you, and my heart will always be open for you.
It means that I’m optimistic. I find it easy to see positively. Even after I spend hours worrying about something, I’ll always come to a conclusion of hopefulness.
It means that I will stand up for myself. Since every emotion that rolls through me is felt so deeply, I know that sometimes it needs an advocate. And I’ll use my fire to do so.
It means that I won’t let you down. My emotions are keeping me in line. I’m aware and on top of things, and I will do anything to make sure I keep a promise.
Recently, I’ve had to remind myself of these things. I tried to reach out to friends and resolve an issue between them, and neither of them liked it. I tried to share my sadness with a friend, and they didn’t accept it. I tried to care for someone, and they didn’t return the favor. And I blamed it on my big heart.
What I tell tell myself is that I’m lucky. Not everyone gets to experience the same thing, some people struggle to feel much at all. You have to understand this, and realize that not everyone has the same heart as you do as much, as you want them to.
What I would tell my friends is to be patient. To understand that this is how I was wired. To embrace me for who I am, and to love the size of my heart, even if it is overwhelming at times. Please don’t tell me to control my emotions. Realize all of the good qualities to help you through some of the stress that can be brought with my emotions.
What I would tell people who treat me like I’m unstable is that they’re ignorant. Feeling so deeply has never made me become so strong and resilient—probably more than most.A lot of people have always told me to bottle up and control all of these things that I feel. I grew up thinking that my wide range was just “too much” for people. It’s true, that I might cry to you, or I might be way too excited for you to handle, or I might meddle into things where I don’t belong, or that some of my fears might try and stop me, or that I just won’t give up; and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable about it. But it’s not okay to show me distance because you think something is wrong with me, or anyone. Give these “overly” emotional people some chances, because I can only guess the amount of gratitude they might show you if you do.