My experience during the Pandemic known as the Coronavirus

COVID-19, or the Coronavirus, is a topic that has been talked, analyzed, hated and meme-ed about. It’s a brutal and deadly virus that has halted the world to essentially a stop. I’m sure you all are aware of what has happened and what is happening…at least I hope you are. If not I encourage you to do some research. I’m not here to provide you with any facts or events or the “he said”, “she said” comments. I want to tell you about my experience because we are literally living in history. I know that this will be in textbooks and our grandchildren will be asking us about it. So let’s get into it. 

I remember the day students at UW-Madison and I found out about the school transferring to online classes for a month. It was Wednesday, March 11, 2020. I was with two of my friends Abby and Alyssa, “studying” for my Zoology exam with Jordan Davis blaring through my Beats. I looked up for a second, and saw people panicking and confusion hit me. Alyssa tapped the table with her pen and said, “Check your phone.” We did and I just laughed. The message from the University informed us about something we all knew was going to happen but didn’t actually think was going to happen. In that split moment, I knew that my first year of college would finish off from the comfort of my own home. 

The next three days were the weirdest, most appreciative and depressing days of Freshman year. That Wednesday night, some of us raided my fridge, basically recreating the FRIENDS scene where Joey ate all of his food from the refrigerator because it broke. Later that night, I remember sitting in the iconic first floor Leopold lounge with my dorm neighbor Ken, Alyssa and her boyfriend Sean. We were talking about the Coronavirus, politics, how Sean pranked Alyssa and our plans for the break. It was one of the last nights in the lounge and I kept telling myself what Taylor Swift once sang: “Capture it, remember it.” Studying for Zoology can wait. The next day, I packed up my belongings and spent the rest of the day at Memorial Union with some FIG friends. The mood around campus resembled a ghost town. It was so empty and the people that were out, myself included, looked miserable: baggy sweats, shoulders slumped, hair a little messy and concern on their face. It didn’t help that it was rainy and my Zoology exam was that night. Friday came and my friends and I had our last meal together. I knew I failed Zoology so academics have completely escaped my brain at that point. All I wanted was to continue to just appreciate what was in front of me: my friends and this poorly made omelette. I don’t really need to bore you with more things that happened, but the point of it all was that it was surreal. I just didn’t think I’d be saying my last goodbye to the Freshman experience in March. 

I just want to add a disclaimer that I’m only a freshman, so I have a lot of time left in me. I feel bad for the seniors who had their college experience cut off abruptly. With that being said, my life was about to change and it was a change that I was not looking forward to. Freshman year I experienced so many new things: small things from getting lost in a new city, keeping a planner, ice skating, buying supplies, to big things like navigating academics, having friends and trying out this thing called “dating. These events made me grow up and while the feelings weren’t always the best, I was, nevertheless, getting a taste of freedom – of being my own person and a sense of acceptance and love that I’ve yearned for years. I had people who would have my back and not judge me when I spilled my Dr. Pepper. If I needed to escape, I’d have a library to go to. If I needed company, I’d know that Ken and our friend Alex would be in the lounge, with Ken doing Alex’s math homework. Freshman year, I’d say, was a time where anxiety rushed through my body 24/7, but I’ve never been freer. 

COVID-19 changed that. I am now at home, a place that all of you should be in, if possible. I’ve been feeling so down that my freedom and happy-yet-a-mess of a life was essentially transformed back into my dull, monotone and lonely high school days. The first couple of weeks, all I wanted to do was sleep and not interact with anyone. I was a pit of nothingness…Okay yes, that’s a little dramatic but true. Basically, what was going on in my head was that I was going back in a time where I was my worst self, where the world didn’t love me and I didn’t love the world.

But my brain likes to play a game called, “Stuff your feelings inside, there are bigger problems in the world.” These problems included: people actually having the Coronavirus and dying, health workers exposing themselves, grocery stores, restaurants, drug stores and gas station workers also dealing with the threat that with one interaction, they could get the virus. People are losing their jobs, separated from their families across seas, going back to abusive households and others not knowing where the next meal will come from. There are soooo many people with soooo much worse problems than me. I’d think, “I need to get out of my funk and get over my spoiled, privileged, piece of trash.” These thoughts are not excessive— I’m actually sugar-coating it for you. 

The point is, is that I was hiding my feelings of sadness, anger and frustration of this whole mess. I thought, “People had it worse, be grateful.” But my parents honed in on me and said how it’s okay to feel what I feel. Is it though? What I’m losing— freedom, person-to-person contact, sense of self, all the good stuff— is not that big of a deal. Right? Like in the grand scheme of things? But it is. My feelings are valid. My conflicts are feelings. And even though I am more privileged than others, what I’m going through is valid. This is a brutal lesson that I’m learning and coping with. And it’s something that I know that I’m not dealing with alone. 

The Coronavirus is something that is going to be remembered and looked back until the end of our time. We’ve all coped with it in numerous ways: from memes, to Tik Toks to virtual cocktail hours. We’re doing the best we can. My first year of college was cut short and I’m dealing with accepting and feeling my “bad” emotions. Yet if there is one thing that is true, it’s that this will end, and when it ends, it’s going to be so freaking liberating. So for now, wash your hands, stay at home and don’t forget to thank people who put their lives out there every day.

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