My Three Tips on How to be Alone but Not Lonely

be your own best friend.

Does the idea of eating at the dining hall alone make you want to cry? Have you ever walked down state street solo and felt crushing dread when you saw a large group of friends or a happy couple walk towards you? If so, you’re not alone. As I transitioned into college life, my mindset was that I could never be alone: either I had to be with existing friends or I had to be out making new ones. Otherwise, my mind told me I wasn’t taking full advantage of the college experience. 

But what happens when your social battery runs out, or everyone is busy? I’m here to assure you that you do not need to spend your day hiding in your room. Here are my basic steps to spend a day by yourself without letting insecurities creep in.

1. Shower

Showers are one of my favorite parts of the day. It gives me an opportunity to clear my head with no other distractions other than making sure shampoo doesn’t get into my eyes. On days where I need to build my social battery back up, I like to start with a warm shower so I can detox from the day (or week) behind me and look forward to what I have in store.

2. Try journaling

As cliché as it may sound, journaling is one of the most therapeutic ways that I have found to get my thoughts out. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t even need to have a notebook to do this. The notes app works just as well. Don’t filter what you write – get your thoughts out like you are talking to a friend, because the goal for the day is to make yourself your own best friend. 

3. Take yourself out on a date

Remember when I said that we wouldn’t be spending the day locked in our rooms? This is when that idea comes into practice. You don’t need to do anything elaborate; allow yourself to pick something that you’re actively excited about. Some possible ideas are taking a group fitness class at the gym, walking somewhere pretty (for Madison students, I recommend the lakeshore path or the centennial gardens), going shopping (you can go somewhere on State Street, take a bus to a mall, or even go to the farmers market!), or trying somewhere new to eat. 

Above all, remember that you don’t need a reason to take a day for yourself. Since you are one hundred percent in control of your plans for the day, allow yourself to do what you want without any outside influence. Listen to the artist that you love but your friends aren’t a fan of, watch that guilty pleasure movie or show that you feel like no one else would like, and pick your food based on what you want, not based on what others like. This is your day. Own it.