when has self–improvement gone too far?
I’ve always prided myself on being a goal setter as someone who cares a lot about their future and is constantly looking for ways to improve to get me there. Whether it be my health, schoolwork, career, cleanliness or any other facet of my life, I always feel a drive to do better and stay active in achieving my goals. This feeling has been pushed even further with the rise of social media and countless Day-In-My-Life’s which document days packed with productivity from a 5 a.m. workout class to a 9 p.m. reading session in bed. I gain inspiration from these creators and others in my life who make careful use of their time. While I do get joy from trying to better myself, I find I can often lose the joys of everyday life and get far too caught up in my goals for the future. Part of me never feels truly satisfied with what I’m doing right now, but always looking toward the next thing I can do rather than appreciating what I currently have.
Dissatisfaction is something that can easily overcome my daily life. At times I find myself constantly thinking about what more I can add to my life: “I want to see my friends more”, “I should spend more time on my homework”, “I need to read more, or meal prep more often”. And while all of these goals benefit my well-being, this forward-thinking has left me utterly unsatisfied in my daily life. If I’m going to the gym, I can’t spend as much time on my homework each night. If I focus too much on school, I can’t have the same social life I did before. And if I do all of these things, I’m never going to get enough sleep! But that feeling of never doing enough and never doing enough of the right things can end up harming more than it helps.
Reflecting on last semester, I ended up with great grades, closer friends, and better habits, but I don’t remember my day-to-day fondly. It was plagued by stress about my time and hobbies, constantly trying to do more and more to be the absolute best version of myself. And while I’m now proud of the outcomes, I have no desire to spend every day like that again. I want to go out on a random night and not feel overwhelming guilt because I didn’t stay in and do my skincare routine. I want to enjoy every moment, spontaneous or planned, with my friends and not be constantly thinking about the assignments I have to complete. I want to truly be satisfied with my daily life while still overall working towards my goals for myself.
From my experience, this isn’t easy, especially with constant reminders on social media of how other people live their lives. But I think it’s important to take a step back and realize what’s truly important each day. While I want to live a healthy, productive life, I also want to make memories and act a little irresponsibly sometimes – I’m only twenty years old! What it really comes down to is a careful balance between taking care of yourself in traditional and nontraditional ways and a deeper understanding that your life is your own for a reason. Though I still struggle some days, I’ve made it a new goal to be satisfied with myself and my life and to put in the effort every day to enjoy my “now” before I’ve already missed my chance.