The best way to figure out exactly who you don’t want
After going through a breakup, I did what every bored, single college girl does, and I downloaded Tinder. As a joke of course. While I haven’t met my match, I definitely found a concrete list of red flags that I felt must be shared to protect womenkind. I’ve nicknamed all of these men based on their red flag and I now only ever refer to them by these names.
1. Mario Suit Guy
Mario suit guy was very attractive, don’t get me wrong. He earned this nickname based on a picture he posted of himself in what I thought was a Mario Brothers Halloween costume. But alas, that was not the case. Mario suit guy turned out to be a gamer. I know what you’re thinking: gamers guys aren’t all that bad. However, when they Snapchat you in full costume at a gaming convention in the middle of Kansas, the red flag is bigger than the one at the end of each Super Mario Bros level.
2. Fish Picture Boy
This one is pretty self-explanatory. You start off tapping through their profile looking at cute pictures of them with their friends and their dog. You almost make it to the end with good vibes when all of a sudden you’re staring a bass in the face. Guys, we get that you can fish. The size of your fish doesn’t matter, it all comes down to the size of your…heart.
3. Movie Night Guy
Movie night guy started on the right foot. He invited me over for a chill movie night and offered to cook me dinner. I thought he seemed sweet so I accepted his offer and went to bed for the night. Things took a turn for the worst when I opened a snap from him in the morning of a revealing picture of him that was “meant for someone else” (as if that would make it any better). I left Movie Night Guy on open, but lesson learned, you should always unadd them before the wave of spam comes. Trust me, it wasn’t pretty.
In conclusion, there are a few golden rules of Tinder you should know before you start swiping. These are the main three I encounter most often, but if you’re into this kind of thing more power to you. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.