My roommates are all in romantic relationships and I’m not, but my relationship with myself and my friends have never been stronger
So, I live with three roommates who are all my very best friends. We literally do everything together, and when I want company there’s always someone available. But here’s the catch: I’m the last single roomie. Yes, me. My roommates are in relationships ranging from two years to like two weeks. Oh no, poor Maria. Whatever shall you do when your roommates ditch you for their significant others? Well, first that would never happen and second, this article isn’t about my roommates’ relationships, and my lack thereof, but rather about my relationship with myself and how I redefined how I approach and view relationships.
I have always been boy crazy and I think I have my female family members to thank for that. Since I can remember I had always been asked “do you have a boyfriend? Anyone you’re flirting with? Tell me about boys in your grade!” So, I always have a crush, someone who I can admire (from afar) and who I can look forward to seeing at school. But I was never one of those kids who had “relationships.” You know, those dramatic relationships that only exist on the playground and in the hallway between classes. I didn’t get into my first relationship until my Freshman year of high school, and I was naive but excited that someone was showing interest in me(that is, someone I actually liked.) But it only lasted three months because it was filled with mistakes and immaturity. I couldn’t take it anymore so I ended it over Snapchat.
But as I got older, I talked to boys and flirted with them. I got over my fear of men (somewhat) and entered a year-long relationship in my junior year of high school. It was filled with ups and downs, but he was genuinely one of my best friends. But, it felt like just that: a friend. So, on Valentine’s Day 2020 I couldn’t feel trapped in this friendship that was trying so hard to be romantic. I also had feelings for someone else, and just a few days after my breakup, I found out he had feelings too. The only way to describe what I felt was a heart-eye emoji. I fell head over heels fast, but I didn’t want to jump into another relationship necessarily, and as I came to find out he didn’t want a relationship, although his words and actions made me think otherwise.
I was sent into a year-long whirlwind of emotional exhaustion by this boy. I knew I should just cut off contact, but I didn’t want to be “alone.” It hurt, it was a constant “he loves me, he loves me not” picking petals off the flowers. I was not only mourning the end of my year-long relationship as well as a daily “left on read” feeling.
Enough was enough. I was better than this, I was allowing this person to hurt me repeatedly and he didn’t even know it (let alone care, probably.) After a year, I stopped talking to him and after two years I unadded him. I realized men used Snapchat as an easy way out, now I unadd people who hurt me. If they want to talk to me, they’ll find a way.
I began working on myself, not pursuing relationships. I would talk to guys for short periods of time, but I would lose feeling and stop talking to them with no explanation. Which was bad, I didn’t really consider how I made these people feel, and in turn, the same thing would happen to me with guys I started to have feelings for, and it would make me so upset.
But I learned that it’s okay to feel hurt. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was years-long or just a “virtual situation,” you shared a part of yourself. You allowed someone to see you in intimate and vulnerable ways, and maybe the other person doesn’t understand the way you but you do. You feel sad, disappointed and angry.
Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve taken out of every big and small relationship, is rather than being angry and regretful for the time you gave someone, be thankful. There’s no right or wrong way to hurt, but if you look at these situations as a lesson to help you find the one person that will truly fulfill all your needs. You’ll come out of the pain stronger and more mature than you were before.
The movie Someone Great, summarizes this well. The main character Jenny is a junior in college, heartbroken because of her hookup, Matt is ghosting her so she goes to a party in hopes of seeing him. Although she sees him with another girl, she also meets Nate, the guy she spends the next 9 years of her life with. When she must leave New York for California, Nate breaks up with her. The movie follows her the day after the break up with several flashbacks. At the end of the movie in the present time, she’s alone at a party with Matt, the original hook up. He says “I’m sorry,” and she says “don’t be, you helped me find Nate.” If it weren’t for that one awful moment, she wouldn’t have met the guy who helped her grow as a person, even though they end up breaking up.
I’m healing. Some guys have hurt me, made me feel like I wasn’t worth it, made me feel alone. I’m learning that just because I’m “alone” doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I have found so much comfort in my friendships, especially with my roommates but also found comfort in myself. I genuinely think of myself as my own best friend; I make myself laugh, I have so many realizations about myself in moments of meditation and reflection and I give myself great pep talks. So no, I won’t feel sad and lonely if I’m left home alone while my roommates are out on dates. I love being alone, I can focus on myself and take time to reflect on my life, even if I’ve had a bad day.