Joining was the best decision I ever made, but leaving was equally rewarding
Greek life is a unique experience to have in college. It’s like a cult, in the best and worst ways possible. There are people with whom you share generational passwords, sing ritual songs, and attend events to have an excuse to dress up with. There are friends that you’ll keep for a lifetime and connections that wouldn’t be made anywhere else. However, Greek life is not such a rosy picture. There are people who will betray you, times when your morals are challenged, and the stress of achieving a standard of excellence.
The groupthink phenomenon runs rampant within Greek life culture, and entrapment is a real feeling. The pros and cons of joining Greek life continue, but what really happens when you officially escape is uncommonly spoken of. Not only are the individuals who drop their Greek life organization ostracized and blacklisted, but the people who listen to their experiences aren’t actively involved in Greek life. It wrongfully becomes an untold story.
I joined my sorority as a sophomore in college, which is rarer than one would think. Through this, I was able to prioritize a sorority that I already had connections with, as I knew other girls who were involved. During my freshman year, I had decided Greek life was not for me, however, as I entered a lonely sophomore year due to Covid, I realized I needed to branch out to meet new people. Greek life was the easy answer. When I went through recruitment for the sorority I was interested in, I saw a sisterhood that was warm and inviting. The start of my experience with Greek life was certainly an exciting and engaging time, however, as time went on, I realized that this was not always the case.
The girls that I knew in the sorority house from my freshman year became even closer to me in my sophomore year, since we were now sisters and had the sorority in common. I met new people, too, with whom I was able to laugh and share important memories. I genuinely thought that these would be my best friends for life.
This sadly ended up not being the case. As I completed initiation and eventually lost the status of being a new member when newer girls joined the sorority, I started to get glimpses into what real Greek life consisted of. I saw how there was a distorted mindset and perception of the real world through the Greek life lens. I saw how most girls seemed to be stuck in a ‘high school mentality’ through their catty and petty nature. (I want to acknowledge that this stereotype most certainly isn’t with all sorority members, and even not all the members of my specific sorority, but the trend did emerge throughout my personal experience)
The girls who I had surrounded myself with either disliked me for no reason, were at a different, more immature stage of their life than me, or ended up stabbing me in the back. There were a couple of girls who stood by me through all of this and never left my side, and one preceded me in dropping out of the sorority. She inspired me to drop out, saying that my happiness mattered above all else. She, and many other people in my life, saw that something which used to bring me so much joy and light led to much of the anxiety and distress in my life. What was such a critical part of my happiness was now causing it to be fleeting.
The sorority had been the best part of my college experience, but had turned into something I dreaded and brought up self-esteem issues I had tried so hard to overcome. I realized that rating girls, and understanding that I had once been labeled as a number myself, was a toxic culture I couldn’t be a part of. I couldn’t be a part of that mindset and generate those specific issues for others when it stood for everything I struggled to beat. I realized that I needed to escape.
When I ended up dropping the sorority, as they call it (I much prefer saying growing out of it), I was met with resistance and stigma. The process was hostile and intrusive. In order to officially leave, I had to go through an interview where the board demanded a reason for my decision to leave the sorority. I was told I was no longer to use the name and associate in any way with the organization. Even though I was choosing to leave, it was hard that they wanted me to abandon something and essentially pretend that it never happened. Something that had been such an important part of my college experience and shaped me into who I am today was supposed to be unmentioned going forward.
Today, many of the members who I used to be close with no longer speak to me. I can’t wear letters around campus as I’ll receive national punishment, and when I mention my previous sorority experience to active Greek members, the stigma emerges. Instead of it being a talking point and a common experience we share, I’m treated as an outsider and someone who wrongfully left something behind. Instead of being able to share how it served me so well when I was a part of Greek life and how it gave me unforgettable memories, I’m only seen as a quitter.
Hopefully, this article will spark conversation and normalize leaving Greek life prior to graduation. If you feel trapped in your sorority or fraternity, know that there are others who were in the same position as you and have used courage to grow into new experiences. The stigma will persist, but people do grow out of things, even Greek life.