Hint: she’s the toxic one
As someone who has owned cats for most of my life, I know better than anyone how complicated they can be. Cat owners deal with a lot of ups and downs to keep these pets around, and it often feels like you’re fostering a relationship with a complex human. The cat I’m currently housing, though, is another breed of bipolar. The majority of the time it feels like I’m living in a toxic relationship, full of twists, emotional manipulation and a situation I just can’t pull myself away from.
The main problem is that this cat has no set pattern on her behavior. One day, she may be extremely cuddly, attentive, sweet and infatuated with me. At times it feels like love-bombing, as she’ll curl up as physically close as possible and purr and purr with no end in sight. But as soon as I get used to this loving behavior, her entire personality changes. All of a sudden she’s literally kicking, screaming and wants nothing to do with me. She’ll wreak havoc on my room, running straight into my trash can, trying to tear up my clothes and doing anything that yields maximum destruction. I would say she makes me want to pull my hair out about 80% of the time, yet I still love her with my whole heart – but why?
That’s how I noticed the borderline toxic relationship I have with this cat. She’s a horrible asset to my household the majority of the time – she frustrates me to no end and often tries to harm me or my personal possessions. My carpet is ripped up and covered with fur 24/7, I have to listen to her scream at full volume anytime I’m near food, I have to keep the bathroom door closed at all times so she doesn’t drink the toilet water and she consistently pukes in my room. But I somehow still wouldn’t change a thing, because every now and then she’s incredibly sweet to me, and it makes my heart melt. And it’s entirely unpredictable what treatment I’ll get day-to-day.
This made me think of a video I saw of a girl explaining why she was always drawn to toxic, on-and-off guys: she was being intermittently reinforced. Basically, it’s the hardest and most effective form of reinforcement, and occurs when a certain behavior sometimes gets a positive response and sometimes it doesn’t. That’s how I feel with my cat. I can do everything right one day – feed her extra, lay down her favorite blanket, open my window for her, etc. – and she still won’t pay attention to me. And not only will she not pay attention, she’ll also annoy me to no end and cause chaos. But other times, she’ll be the sweetest, most cuddly cat in the world. So I keep trying and trying to get her to love me, even if she has no interest most of the time, just because every now and then I get the attention I want.
But even though I’m aware my cat is incredibly toxic to me, I will continue to take her love whenever she is willing to offer it (and I’ll put up with her BS the rest of the time). I can definitely admit that this cat controls the relationship, which is a little degrading when I’m also the one who feeds her, cleans her puke and scoops her poop. But I love having her around, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get her to cuddle with me no matter how infrequently, because that’s just what you do for your four-legged friends.