Ask K: To Dormcest or Not To Dormcest?

Dear K,

I have a major thing for this guy. The only problem is he lives in the same Freshman dorm as me. I’ve heard so much about how dormcest is the absolute worst thing that you can do relationship wise because if you breakup everything gets awkward. However, I don’t want to miss out on possibly dating a great guy just because we happen to live two floors apart. What should I do?

— Dormcest Dame

Dear Dormcest Dame,

People always say not to date your best friend, it ruins the relationship. Two years ago I fell in love with my best friend, and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. So I will begin by saying, do not listen to the people that tell you it is “the worst thing ever” to date someone in your dorm.

I always advise people to follow their hearts. Sometimes our hearts tell us to do some pretty stupid things, but if you don’t do what you want, you may forever regret your decision to play it safe. If you truly feel a connection, do not miss out on this opportunity simply because others have warned you that this will not end well (who says it will end at all–eep!).

Relationships where you have the opportunity to be close all the time can be wonderful. Take it from a girl who has to be hundreds of miles away from her wonderful boyfriend, people who are in the same dorm are spoiled. However, there are certainly reasons why people warn against dorm relationships. One thing to be aware of is not to suffocate one another. When a new relationship begins, you enter the honeymoon phase and simply do not want to leave each other’s side. This is great when you live close by, but living close can actually make the phase end quicker. Remember to continue to build friendships outside your relationship, and be involved in different activities. Having separate lives will make your relationship even stronger.

And if things turn out poorly, just remember, college is a big place. Now hopefully, you will begin dating and it will be happy and blissful and yay. But in the event that things do not go well, you are not forced to spend time with him. There are a few thousand people here, and undoubtedly a couple hundred in your dorm building alone. Yes, you may bump into each other post-break up, but as long as you remain mature about the situation, you will be alright.

I would never suggest going against your gut simply because you have heard of the typical college stereotypes. Love is a little bit crazy, and it makes us a little crazy, but that does not mean you should steer clear of it. Don’t fear dormcest, just go into the relationship with the proper mindset, and enjoy being close to the one you are crazy about!

Xo,

K

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