Dear K,
I recently got into a relationship with a boy on campus. But every year I go on a service trip with someone I have previously been with, and this year we might be going just the two of us in a new group. I haven’t talked to my boyfriend about it and I want to be honest but also have him respect and trust my decision to go.
— Guatemala Girl
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Dear Guatemala Girl,
Juggling past and present relationships is always tricky, but I wholeheartedly believe you can do it successfully. Throughout your life you will have many friends, boyfriends, flings, and you will need to find a way to interact with the guys/girls that you have shared relationships with throughout your college years.
The way that you approach this situation may vary slightly depending on the length of your current (and past) relationship, but in essence, you should go about this with the following outlook:
Begin with honesty. Whether it be with friends, family, or significant others, honesty is always the best policy. Even if you have done nothing wrong, not sharing particular information that will undoubtedly surface later always causes suspicion. Without going into unnecessary details of with your relationship, make sure that your current boyfriend is aware that you shared a relationship with the guy from your service trip.
That being said, make sure there is no doubt in your boyfriend’s mind (or more importantly your mind) that you are committed and happy in the current relationship, and although it might be awkward to go on this trip with an ex, there is no cause for concern. Demonstrating your commitment to your current relationship will help soothe any worries with your current boyfriend. Nevertheless, he may seem a little less-than-enthused; in that case, talk to him about his concerns and discuss how you may assuage them.
With regards to interacting with your ex, civility is always the best route to go. I have shared varying degrees of closeness with ex-boyfriends, but the common theme is that there is always an aspect of amicability between the two of us. However, be very aware of your actions, and be careful not to cross the line from friendly to flirty. Make sure to let your ex know that you are in a relationship, but you still want to have a great time!
If you don’t do anything inappropriate, you won’t have any reason to worry or feel guilty. When your boyfriend sees that you are calm and content, he won’t feel threatened, and you will have a wonderful trip!
Xo,
K
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