What’s up my women! Firstly, let me say, this rainy Williamsburg weather is really bumming me out and has subsequently made me stay in bed all day rather than going to my waitress job training this afternoon (just to give you a taste of just how flaky and unreliable I tend to be). I mean, who wants to waitress and smile when it’s so wet and frumpy outside? Not I, it’s as simple as that (what? I’m a writer, an artiste if you will, I act on emotion and “vibes” no matter how irrational it may make me seem). Woah, hello tangent! Moving on.
You know what else bums me out? When my girlfriends feel ashamed for having sex with someone they like because they think that by “giving it up” it makes them less appealing to their significant “doin’ it buddy” (it’s a new Gabi-ism, what do you think?). I mean since when is sex, either having it or not having it, all that we have going for us? Once we do it with someone new, why do we suddenly fear that they’ll feel entitled to declare that any magic or spark has fled the building (FYI by building, I mean relationship; and by relationship, I mean whatever it is the two people involved label themselves as). I’ve had multiple, worried girls come up to me freaking out about if they had sex too soon with their partners, which ultimately results in them asking me to analyze short, ambiguous text messages from some dude somewhere. It makes me frustrated and upset for them because: 1. If you had sex consensually and it wasn’t awful or weird (according to your standards and levels of comfort—how so very progressive, am I right?), then there shouldn’t be a reason for your partner to treat you differently or for you to anticipate him treating you differently because everyone’s entitled to have sex casually. 2. If he DOES treat you differently, then he sucks and you shouldn’t continue to believe the series of events is somehow your fault (I could go into the whole Madonna/Whore complex here, but I won’t; let out your sighs of relief). But, unfortunately, many girls DO feel it’s their fault their relationship or hook-up has gone awry (you know, because of the sex and all). That’s straight up BS, chicas. It’s not your fault!
First of all, you might be reading into the whole “he hates me now” idea because you’ve been programmed by society into thinking that yeah, you probably are useless now that you’ve given up the goods, or more familiarly (and probably more appropriately) that you are the cow in the “why buy the cow?” scenario. Well, stop it! You are most certainly not the cow! And if for some reason, this guy does think you’re the cow (are you all still with me on this or am I completely off in my own world here?) then that brings me to my second point.
Screw that! (Not literally, I realize that can get confusing here). I mean, you really don’t need someone to dictate what’s ok and not ok for you to do. If some guy legitimately thinks you’re spoiled goods because you had sex fairly quickly into your relationship, then you can tell him to go back to the booze-soaked, Mad Men-type, Gentlemen’s Club from whence he came (Z snap, y’all). Having sex (or not having sex; this pressure on being the perfect girlfriend or partner goes BOTH ways) relays nothing about how valuable girls are and I think it’s time everyone realizes that and relaxes a bit.