There are two things I’m really not into: 1. Foreplay, and, 2. Peer Pressure. And since a lady never discusses her bedroom escapades (I mean at least, not on a public website that boyfriends might casually scan in support of their writer girlfriends…I’m all in favor of honesty but I’m not a monster, people), I’ll be discussing the latter source of annoyance. Guys, I AM NOT INTO SEEING PEOPLE FEEL PRESSURED (capital letters necessary)! Whether it’s being pressured to drink, do drugs, or THE WORST, have sex, it’s just not OK. We’ve all been taught (tirelessly so at this point; what with all the programs we’re made to sit through during freshman orientation) that coercion in regards to sex is a very, very real problem and a very, very real form of sexual abuse. Here’s the thing though…boys and men STILL don’t understand what qualifies as coercion and they especially don’t understand the effects and repercussions of it in regards to a girl’s confidence, emotions, and state of happiness. It’s super duper frustrating to feel like you aren’t worth the politeness and consideration behind waiting to have sex. If you aren’t a virgin this coercion thing rears it’s ugly head even more often because to the misogynistically (yeah, I made that word up) trained male it just doesn’t make sense for you to not want to jump his bones when you’ve done so previously to someone else. Quick side note: Just so that I don’t have some random guy post angrily under my article YET AGAIN that I’m a man-hating, ignorant, “typical feminist” (I HATE it when that term is used as an insult; I am a feminist and I’m completely proud that I want to stick up for my own sex, regardless of gender so SUCK IT, that guy…and yes the irony of that statement is not lost on me) I would like it noted that I am not insinuating that every guy coerces women into having sex. I’m just saying that for those particular men that just so happen to eat up the misogynist ideal that it’s their god-given right (call it Manifest-Sextny if you feel so inclined…blah, I’m such a nerd) to have sex whenever they want it, it’s completely backwards, primitive, and at this point in history inexcusably ridiculous.
Tangent over; moving on. It’s so NOT ok to push girls into having sex, guys. I know it’s hard for them to place themselves in our shoes, but it’s not completely unlike being pressured into a situation that may cause bodily harm (i.e, doing drugs, drinking excessively and what have you). This form of abuse really does hit us hard, hurts us, and it really needs to stop. It makes us think less of ourselves and taps into the traumatic “double edged sword” ideology we’ve had to face time and time again in this society that is still working towards equilibrium amongst the genders and sexes. As someone who has gone through it, sexual coercion and abuse has lasting consequences and can affect your future relationships (the relationship you have with yourself is included in this overarching statement) as well as the ability to genuinely trust the opposite sex. I’m telling you know, if you are being continually coerced, your ability to reach true intimacy without pesky excessive crying will dwindle substantially (trust me, I know from experience). This brings a whole sh*t-ton of unnecessary baggage for women who are just starting their lives as wide-eyed and optimistic college-ettes. I want you all to stay so open, loving, and above all, HAPPY, so if some grody, emotionally under-developed dude is forcing you to do ANYTHING, either walk away, or if you believe that you have the emotional and psychological fortitude of Margaret Thatcher, set boundaries and rules that you refuse to compromise and that optimize your mental and emotional well-being. Sisterhood, girl power, yadda yadda; and have a wonderful day!
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at WM chapter.