Hello readers! So I know we haven’t written in some time (thanks to endless papers and wretched all-nighters) but we’re back and in a weird homage to Dylan’s lovely spring trends article, we thought we’d point out some hilariously heinous spring trend predictions from the fashion world. These get super ridiculous. I’m taking Zoolander “Derelicte” ridiculous. When would anyone actually wear these things? So if you’re stuck inside slaving away on homework during this lovely spring day, I hope you can look at these awful high fashion spring trends and chuckle.
Exhibit A:
Oh, cool, great BOOB LEASHES are in now. Guess I know what I’m wearing to formal. I’m sorry Rihanna, but we’re not actually into S+M, no matter how damn catchy your song may be. I mean I guess I could see Gaga being suspended from an egg or whatever in these at some point, but on this campus? People would just think you got tangled up in a leash before your dog broke loose and ran away out of embarrassment. Count us out.
Exhibit B:
Allow us to introduce the “belt purse”, or what we would like to call… “a fanny pack”. Ok so it’s a little higher up, but come on. What is this supposed to accomplish, accentuating your waist? Then stick to the belt, for goodness sakes, not something where you can conveniently stick your camera and inhaler as you stumble like an aimlessly lost tourist in New York City. This is a mess, I don’t care who makes it.
Exhibit C:
Glamour magazine calls these one of spring’s “wearable trends”. Funnily enough, they kind of remind us of these:
Oh the nineties flashbacks just start rolling in with this one. I know fashion comes full circle and everything but really the nineties weren’t that long ago, so could we please keep them at the other end of the circle for another 50 years? Or until we die? Either one works for us.
Exhibit D:
Bermuda shorts or our dads’ old golf shorts? It’s anyone’s guess with this one. Seriously these hideous, unflattering shorts have done the impossible, made notoriously thin models look dowdy, frumpy, and like they’ve given birth to their tenth child and no longer care what they look like or that they accidentally threw on their husband’s shorts this morning so as to not be late for the kiss and ride. Or like they worship Steve Irwin (may he rest in piece). Or like they’re actually 60. Regardless, the sag and the camel toe ain’t ok by us.
So there you have it. Some spring trends to definitely not follow, unless of course your aiming for the whole “somewhat S&M obsessed 60 year old nineties barista tourist” look. Then we totally get it.